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Old 01-17-2011, 04:49 PM   #11
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Sending good thought and prayers you way as always! Let us know how things turn out.
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Old 01-17-2011, 05:03 PM   #12
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I think it is always hard for children who must do what is best for their parents. It is also hard for parents to remember that you are doing it out of love. I think to them it represents a loss of power and control (understandably). Our prayers are with you.
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Old 01-17-2011, 08:48 PM   #13
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speaking from your dad's point of view, the whole business of being old and sick is very scary. and going into a nursing home if very very scary. i know how hard it is for you to balance the wishes and the reality. i will be thinking of you and your dad. all you can do is the best you can. he really will understand even if you think he doesn't. be kind to yourself as well.
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Old 01-18-2011, 07:49 PM   #14
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So Laurie, how did it go at the doctor's? Hope everything is okay.
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Old 01-18-2011, 09:44 PM   #15
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Thanks, Jabbur, for bringing this forward. I was about to come on and finally bring everyone up to date. Yesterday after the 3 1/2 hour round trip then rushing to get dinner, I was too exhausted to get into it. Today I have been nursing a cold and sinus migraine, but wanted to let you know all what's happening.

The doctor checked Dad's chest and said that at the moment it is sounding very good (he is a say it like it is doctor so I know he wasn't sugar coating anything). He said that the shortness of breath being mostly when Dad is up and walking with the walker is not alarming at the moment but I am to monitor the severity of it and if he starts having it just sitting down. He said that his blood sugar is good, but hemoglobin is still low so we continue with the iron and B12. I think he could tell there was more I wanted to say so he looked at me and said "if there is anything going on and you can't get in, please don't hesitate to call me". Dad didn't catch this, and the doctor then said to both of us that he will see us in three months.

So, I didn't get the answers I wanted, but if Dad is doing okay then that is the main thing.

Where do I go from here? Well I have a doctor's appointment of my own on the 31st where I will be discussing my non-healing toe, my vertigo treatments (you may not know about that one) and I plan to ask her whether or not she feels I am able to look after Dad with all my challenges. She knows Dad very well so that is a plus.

I plan to call Dad's doctor now that he has said I could and I am going to talk to him about Dad's emotional and mental state.

Once I have all of this I will call the case worker for a new assessment which she has already agreed to do when I am ready. I will talk to Dad first, which will be hard, but I think it is the best.

So I have a long way to go, but I don't want to rush into anything. I know that Dad going to a facility is the best for everyone, but I don't want it to look like I am pushing him out the door either.

Thanks again for all your support and any suggestions or opinions on the above are definitely welcome - as well as your continued thoughts and prayers.
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Old 01-19-2011, 01:51 AM   #16
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LP it is good to hear the doctors results, I got some good advice re my Mum who at 92 years, she fell and broke her jaw in 2 places, fractured her nose, split her head open and bust a rib. This happened at about 6am when she always gets up to go to the bathroom, she crawled back to her bedroom and pulled the duvet off the bed onto her, the heating came on at 5am as it was winter. I always rang her at 9am from the office, I got no answer. I got to the house at 10.30am (a very bad drive) and found her with her head glued to the carpet with her own blood. When she was ok to leave hospital, I made the descision to place her in a care home.
LP I posted this personal stuff not for drama or responses but because as your father gets olders he will deteriorate if only because of age.
I was lucky, my Mum took to the care home like a duck to water, from living a very isolated life (her own descision) after my father died she made friends, entered into the daily programes ect.My wife and I visit her every day and the relief at knowing Mum is safe and well looked after has helped all of us.
LP I hope you understand why I wrote this.
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:57 AM   #17
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We send our thoughts and prayers for you, your father and your family.
Speaking as a Dad, it's hard to admit that sometimes we ain't supermen. Especially when it looks like we might be facing a life we didn't plan on.
Speaking as a caregiver, I will say that it is vitally important that you take care of yourself with just as much zeal as with any other member of your family. There will be rough spots and arguments. Take each day as it comes and do what you think is best for both you and your Dad. I know from experience that you will not regret your decisions, whatever they are, if you trust in yourself and do the best you can do.
May God bless you all.
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Old 01-19-2011, 09:01 AM   #18
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Claire, right after I retired I had given in to one more caretaker job. The guy begged me. He had tried too long to take care of his Alzheimer's Mother and was burnt out. It was like I had taken on TWO people. Don't let yourself get that way. Your own health is not good and burnout can make it worse, not to mention your own mental health.

Take care of yourself, and DO talk with his Doctor about this too.

{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}} Sally
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Old 01-19-2011, 09:38 AM   #19
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I'm glad that he's okay physically right now and you can take the time you need to make the right decision. My MIL has dementia. FIL is the main caregiver but they live just down the street from my BIL. This winter, she ended up in the hospital with a colon impaction and was sent to a rehab/long-term care facility. Dad was always opposed to a nursing home for her but she did rather well there. I think the fact that he was forced into putting her there made him realize just how much care she really needs. They are going to try and send her home with him with outpatient therapy and home visits hopefully this week. But I think if it doesn't work out well, he won't be as opposed to a permanent placement anymore. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
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Old 01-21-2011, 01:17 PM   #20
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Dad had a good and bad day yesterday. He went to his senior's program and said he had a great time. But almost immediately after he started to get very confused. He was not comprehending anything and not hearing (even with hearing aids up full). He had a horrid night with DH and I each getting up with him twice.

He seemed better when he first got up but now is sleeping again as he "can't keep my eyes open".

We are used to these spells and I will just monitor it. If he doesn't get better I will call the doctor or we will take him to the hospital (doctor is far away hospital is not.

I am finally getting over my sinus infection and am feeling strong enough both physically and emotionally to handle this. DH is now down with the cold/flu that Dad and I have had and is staying home today.

I just want to say thank you to everyone and I appreciate everything you say positive and negative. I am trying to deal with each answer but if I miss you please don't feel I haven't heard.

I am so glad I am back!
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