"Discover Cooking, Discuss Life."

Go Back   Discuss Cooking - Cooking Forums > The Back Porch > Off Topic Discussions
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 01-17-2010, 08:56 PM   #1
Everymom
 
Alix's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 23,184
Venting

I closed down the old venting thread. It was getting pretty cumbersome for any new reader. Lets try to keep this one to just petty stuff. If you really need support or prayers please start a new thread so it can get the attention it deserves.

My petty little snotty vent is just that I got yelled at for nothing. I run a yoga program out of our community hall and today the floor was really gross. So after the class I called the person responsible for hall rentals and reported it. (Sounds logical so far right?) Well instead of saying thanks for the info I'll handle it, I got a blast about people blaming her and telling her what to do about the mess etc etc. I kept my cool, and asked her why she was yelling at me? She ranted some more. I told her I was not responsible for her upset, and had merely been doing what I thought she WANTED me to do and apologized for trying to be helpful. To her credit she backed down and apologized. She told me that I was just "in the line of fire". I responded by accepting the apology and letting her know I'd found her very rude.

I'm trying very hard to take the high road and just accept that apology and move on. I'm still TICKED OFF though. LOL. The venting has helped. Thanks for listening guys. Sometimes it just helps to get it out.

__________________

__________________
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. Robin Williams
Alix
Alix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2010, 11:08 PM   #2
Head Chef
 
Saphellae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Kingston, Ontario
Posts: 1,611
Some people are just like that Alix.. they have a bad day and take it out on the first person who irks them a smidge. I can't understand it myself... but if she realized her mistake and that you weren't willing to take it from her, it likely won't happen again. Good for you on being the bigger person!

I have been taking WAYYY too long to finish our bathroom... I finally finished most of the bathtub tiling tonight, now I"m just waiting for the plaster to harden on one area and I can put the last few... then grout late tomorrow night.. and we can shower on Tuesday morning - or maybe night.. I am so excited... to shower in my own home again.. we've been going to the gym down the road where we have a membership.

SOOO it's been a year and a half since my mother left my father, and the divorce was "official" about seven months ago.. and my mother is already engaged and getting married in the fall. This bothers me quite a bit.. and she has been extremely insensitive to how I felt in the past, so I have just stopped saying anything... she announced the engagement on Christmas day in front of a dozen other people. I seriously wish she had told me in private... It was horrible to have a shock like that thrown on me. To my credit not many people said much, but I wonder if they already knew.

I honestly don't know what her hurry is to get married.. in the same year? I feel as if she isn't taking marriage seriously - like it's a game to her. The way she has been acting you would think she is 18 again... it's disconcerting. Good for her for feeling young.. but some of the things she has been doing are just inconsiderate.

Now I feel like a terrible daughter. She asked me to go to a bridal show with her a couple of weeks ago and I said I was busy. I knew that it would be ALL about her, and she would likely barely mention MY wedding next year. That's just how she has been since she left my dad.. self centered. Her fiance is a great guy and all.. but he's a pushover.. and he even said after she announced the engagement, "It's what she wanted, so I gave it to her!" and she agreed, saying she had been bugging him for a long time about it... WHAT?! How can you BUG someone about marrying you, especially after knowing them for only a scant six months?? I really don't get it.

SO here I am.. stuck between a rock and a hard place. Desperately wanting to ask her what she is thinking, to ask her if she even cares to ASK how I feel about it (which she did NOT)... and not being able to talk to her about it, because she would just get defensive and completely ignore what I feel. AND not to mention how HIS kids feel about a strange woman living with them only after knowing their father for a few months (she moved in about 3 months after they met), and then marrying him! Hah.

I just don't know what to think anymore. So, the day after I found out, I started destroying tiles in the bathroom with a hammer, and hence the bathroom reno commenced.

And so my story TILES together...
__________________

__________________
Saphellae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2010, 11:22 PM   #3
Chef Extraordinaire
 
kadesma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: california
Posts: 21,373
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saphellae View Post
Some people are just like that Alix.. they have a bad day and take it out on the first person who irks them a smidge. I can't understand it myself... but if she realized her mistake and that you weren't willing to take it from her, it likely won't happen again. Good for you on being the bigger person!

I have been taking WAYYY too long to finish our bathroom... I finally finished most of the bathtub tiling tonight, now I"m just waiting for the plaster to harden on one area and I can put the last few... then grout late tomorrow night.. and we can shower on Tuesday morning - or maybe night.. I am so excited... to shower in my own home again.. we've been going to the gym down the road where we have a membership.

SOOO it's been a year and a half since my mother left my father, and the divorce was "official" about seven months ago.. and my mother is already engaged and getting married in the fall. This bothers me quite a bit.. and she has been extremely insensitive to how I felt in the past, so I have just stopped saying anything... she announced the engagement on Christmas day in front of a dozen other people. I seriously wish she had told me in private... It was horrible to have a shock like that thrown on me. To my credit not many people said much, but I wonder if they already knew.

I honestly don't know what her hurry is to get married.. in the same year? I feel as if she isn't taking marriage seriously - like it's a game to her. The way she has been acting you would think she is 18 again... it's disconcerting. Good for her for feeling young.. but some of the things she has been doing are just inconsiderate.

Now I feel like a terrible daughter. She asked me to go to a bridal show with her a couple of weeks ago and I said I was busy. I knew that it would be ALL about her, and she would likely barely mention MY wedding next year. That's just how she has been since she left my dad.. self centered. Her fiance is a great guy and all.. but he's a pushover.. and he even said after she announced the engagement, "It's what she wanted, so I gave it to her!" and she agreed, saying she had been bugging him for a long time about it... WHAT?! How can you BUG someone about marrying you, especially after knowing them for only a scant six months?? I really don't get it.

SO here I am.. stuck between a rock and a hard place. Desperately wanting to ask her what she is thinking, to ask her if she even cares to ASK how I feel about it (which she did NOT)... and not being able to talk to her about it, because she would just get defensive and completely ignore what I feel. AND not to mention how HIS kids feel about a strange woman living with them only after knowing their father for a few months (she moved in about 3 months after they met), and then marrying him! Hah.

I just don't know what to think anymore. So, the day after I found out, I started destroying tiles in the bathroom with a hammer, and hence the bathroom reno commenced.

And so my story TILES together...
Sweetie,
your mom is going to do what she wants to do. In her defense, I'd not want my children deciding what I can and cannot do, they have their own lives and I don't interfere. It's not my right. I your defense I can understand the hurt. But you have to realize there is a lot that goes on we don't let on to you, it's private. Don't let you mothers inconsiderate way make you unhappy. Just take joy in your coming wedding and let her be.I'd have gone to her shower and let her glory in the attention. Mom's do need that some times and to have their children be a part of it. It makes up for a lot of inattention when you were young and were the center of everything. We bask in this yes our kids come first, but at times we need it to. I think you are special and your turn will come. Be ready you will be a beautiful bride. Let it all go and just concentrate on YOU.
kades
__________________
HEAVEN is Cade, Ethan,Carson, and Olivia,Alyssa,Gianna
kadesma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2010, 11:32 PM   #4
Head Chef
 
Saphellae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Kingston, Ontario
Posts: 1,611
It isn't really the whole story... she took my father for everything he had, and now he's struggling to pay his bills (he has no vehicle now.. had to sell it) while she has all of this money... she bartered with him for house appliances knowing full well she was going to sell them..took the house... she has just turned ruthless Kades.... I am seeing my dad in the poorhouse because of what happened, and she is prospering from it. It's hard to look away from that and be happy when she won't even talk to me .. I mean REALLY talk to me.. not just day to day how are you fluff... I understand she is her own person and that is absolutely not what this is about at all.. I just want to understand! She has changed 100% completely since last year.

I guess I am just having a hard time getting over something she refuses to talk sensibly about. So I am having a hard time feeling happy for her when it has been at the expense of my father. Kades it's been so bad he's been the hospital... I have only spoken to Nick about these things, so it's difficult to put it into the proper words I mean to get across.

(It wasn't a shower - it was just a bridal trade show with booths.. nothing special) I would certainly go to a shower if she had one and act as the happy daughter. The other reason I have not spoken to her about this is because I realize there is nothing I can or will do to keep her from having what she wants, but that doesn't mean I have to be 100% happy about it. She took my dad to the cleaners and is reaping the benefits while he is barely paying his mortgage and getting to work - so my MAIN problem is that I have slowly been starting to lose respect for her. That's tough to deal with when it's my own mother. It seriously takes ALOT to lose respect from me - but when someone is inconsiderate that REALLY gets me.
__________________
Saphellae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2010, 11:40 PM   #5
Chef Extraordinaire
 
kadesma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: california
Posts: 21,373
Oh honey of course it is. I think I'd just let her go and devote my love and respect to my dad. He has had a hard time and you can give him some support and love. My good thoughts to you and your dad and may some of it inch in and wake your mom up. I'd be miserable if I lost any of my children. She is being really foolish. I pray she wakes up and soon.
kadesma
__________________
HEAVEN is Cade, Ethan,Carson, and Olivia,Alyssa,Gianna
kadesma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2010, 11:49 PM   #6
Head Chef
 
Saphellae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Kingston, Ontario
Posts: 1,611
I don't see that happening Kades... She is going through some sort of midlife crisis.. or has completely reinvented herself.. my dad and I suggested she go for some therapy about a year before she left him...

My mother and I are complete opposites, because I don't understand how someone could do all of the awful things she's done to people who get in her way. I sometimes think she has no conscience in the back of her mind at all.. "hey, shouldn't we be thinking about that other person?". It just doesn't occur to her.

*sigh* I am dealing with it the best I can (destroying bathrooms for reno's far and wide), and sometimes I can pretend she's the same person, until she says something that completely makes you go, "What??!!?" She has this idealistic view of what life "should be like" - all of her friends are like that too. I don't think she cares who gets in her way - she'll get what she wants. I have told her before that I have considered not contacting her any more, and for a few days it was better - but it went downhill again. I can't understand how someone can change so drastically.

Enough with my venting.. sorry for taking up a full page!!! :) I must go try to sleep now... work comes early.. night!
__________________
Saphellae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-18-2010, 09:58 AM   #7
Everymom
 
Alix's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 23,184
Saphellae, your story is not unique I am afraid. I've heard versions of it from two other close friends this year. It seems women do the midlife crisis thing in this way. Boy does that suck! And the fact that she seems to be relegating you to the periphery sucks too. It almost sounds like she knows what you might say to her and so she is avoiding any opportunity for that to occur.

You can't take sides, and yet you feel forced to do so. Blech. Support your Dad Saph. If your Mom complains at all, that will open the door to a conversation I think you both need. If the door opens, take a DEEP breath and say a prayer that you will stay calm and your words will be gentle enough to be heard.

Sending you hugs from afar.

__________________
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. Robin Williams
Alix
Alix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-18-2010, 07:15 PM   #8
Chef Extraordinaire
 
babetoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: escondido, calif. near san diego
Posts: 14,349
can i say, there are always two versions of events between two people. you may not know why she left in the first place.

your dad agreed to the terms of divorce that he is now living with.

i am sorry your mom is hurting you and that is what you should talk to her about.
the rest of the situation is between the two of them.
__________________
"life isn't about how to survive the storm but how to dance in the rain"
babetoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2010, 09:07 PM   #9
Chef Extraordinaire
 
kadesma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: california
Posts: 21,373
Just got off the phone with my son, who is driving home from a Jr. rodeo with his girls. I am so glad we didn't go watch. Both my gran daughters ride and have done so since about 18 months old..The youngest today was almost hurt very badly, her horse fell she lost the reins and the horse took of taking her along. Good thing she has been riding all this time as she managed to grab the reins and finally stop the horse..Know what? her other gramps big tough cowboy that he is told her don't you dare cry. Yuppers...I am so angry with him I could kick from here to next week...ARGGGGG
kades
__________________
HEAVEN is Cade, Ethan,Carson, and Olivia,Alyssa,Gianna
kadesma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2010, 11:33 PM   #10
Chef Extraordinaire
 
babetoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: escondido, calif. near san diego
Posts: 14,349
really wish i know why i am feeling so crummy today. woke up cranky, stayed cranky and got nothing done. then took a nap. i am sad , depressed, angry enough to bite the head of first person that crosses me. abel would be wise to stay away. he left a big mess in kitchen. i let him stay, cause of rain on sat. and he had a tooth ache. he is homeless now and not doing much about it. maybe that is part of it.

thank goodness i am old enough to know, that it will pass. in meantime, no one had better knock on door tonight.
__________________

__________________
"life isn't about how to survive the storm but how to dance in the rain"
babetoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



» Discuss Cooking on Facebook

Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:03 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.