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Old 12-08-2008, 05:56 PM   #1
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Would this Catch Your Interest?

I have finished proofreading my latest SF novel attempt. I've jsut completed making the pitch that I will send to a number of literary agents along with a summary and the manuscript. The pitch has to be perfect as it is what initially interests the agent, helping him/her decide whether to even look at the summary and manuscript. So, I'm placing the pitch out here to all of you for a quick critique.

Background: The story is about a group who discover that we, humankind, has aroused a terrible force that has the power to erase humanity for the universe. The problem is that most of humankind won't accept the threat and want to keep on doing things the way they always have. In fact, the corporations want to eliminate our good guys so that they can continue raking in profits, no matter the environmental costs.

So here's the pitch. Let me know what you think.

Humankind has spread itself over thousands of worlds, and in the process, awakened a force more powerful than anyone could ever have imagined. The fate of humanity rests with a young family, an assassin, a politician, and a handful fo scientists. They will have to overcome the relentless and dangerous power of greedy interstellar corporations before they can even begin to save humanity from annihalation.

Would this pique your interest? How can it be made better? Thanks in advance for the critique.

Seeeeya; Goodweed of the North

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Old 12-08-2008, 06:15 PM   #2
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I don't know how it could be made better but it does pique my interest.
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Old 12-08-2008, 06:19 PM   #3
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I'm interested.
Of course if the group that saves humanity also included a couple cheerleaders......
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Old 12-08-2008, 06:55 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Goodweed of the North View Post

So here's the pitch. Let me know what you think.

Humankind has spread itself over thousands of worlds, and in the process, awakened a force more powerful than anyone could ever have imagined. The fate of humanity rests with a young family, an assassin, a politician, and a handful fo scientists. They will have to overcome the relentless and dangerous power of greedy interstellar corporations before they can even begin to save humanity from annihalation.

Would this pique your interest? How can it be made better? Thanks in advance for the critique.

Seeeeya; Goodweed of the North
Humankind, spread over countless planets has roused the interest of a force with more power than ever believed possible. The future of humanity lies in the hands of a young family, a hardened assassin, a greedy politician and a few lab rats. Can they surmount the relentless danger and greed set forth by the Interstellar Corporation in time to prevent the annihilation of the human race?

Gotta admit, as a writer myself, I'm not real comfortable changing the words of another writer, but you did ask. Hope you don't mind, really.
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Old 12-08-2008, 08:18 PM   #5
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This stuff is scary !!!!
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Old 12-08-2008, 08:28 PM   #6
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when can I read it??????
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Old 12-08-2008, 09:06 PM   #7
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The concept of the book is definitely interesting to me. I like Vera's wording a bit better, it sounds more like what I read on book covers. I would try to word "a few lab rats" differently, but, I do not know how at the moment. If I come up with anything, I will post it.
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Old 12-08-2008, 09:20 PM   #8
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I would try to word "a few lab rats" differently,
I agree. "a few lab rats" sounds too cutsie for this type of book.

GW, this definitely sounds like something I would read. The way you wrote the teaser did grab my attention. I thought it was a tad bit too wordy, but I do not have any suggestions on how to change that.
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Old 12-08-2008, 10:29 PM   #9
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Sounds good to me, but.... Who let the secret out??!! None was supposed to know about this yet! Now we have to send the MIB to your door...... run man run!
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Old 12-08-2008, 10:36 PM   #10
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I'm interested and I don't like to read!
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