Eating Etiquette

[CharlieD]

Speaking of hand shaking. Back in my Soviet days, man would always take the glove of to shake a hand (in the winter time) her in the States, I don't see that. People just strach you a hand with glove on, what is the story with that? What's the rule on that one?

 

[rickell]

I have always stood up when greeting someone. It doesn't seem odd to
me at all. My husband makes it a point to shake all the men and boy's hands
when saying hello and goodbye. I normally don't shake someones hand
unless I am in a business situation or just being introduced to someone.
Of course if they offer a hand shake I shake. Both my husband and I
would definately offer our seat to someone who needs it more than us.
Lets say and older person, pregnant lady, or someone who just looks like
they need it more. Now my kids will give them their chair then come
sit with me and share my chair. I don't remember my parents being hard
on my about this stuff maybe it was that I just saw it in everyday life.
This is just the way to act. You know it really upsets me when you
buy something at store and the check out person does not say anything,
not even the amount you own. No smile, no how are you? or even have
a nice day. What is it putting someone out to just be polite? Being
polite to me makes me a happier person.

 

[mudbug]

forget handshakes! I'm shaking my head at StirBlue's story.

unbelievable................

 

[VeraBlue]

charlie's post reminded me of another thing that bothers me. not food etiquette, but etiquette all the same. it's handshaking.

i don't mean x-on/x-off (he hee, a nerd joke. we need a nerd icon), but the act of shaking hands when greeting someone.

if you're a guy shaking another guy's hand, put some of that foream meat into it. i hate shaking hands when it feels like you've grabbed the hand of a dead person or lasagna noodle. you don't have to try to crush the other guy's hand, but do it like you mean it to show the respect you are inferring. and look them in the eyes. again, not like the cold stare of a maniac on a subway, but at least for those few seconds, be a man.

if your'e a woman and you're not the freakin' queen of a country, don't offer me you're hand like i'm supposed to bow and kiss you're knuckles. just a regular ol' handshake will do. you won't impress me either if you try to shake like a man. unless you can curl more than 60 lbs...

and no one should offer the left hand, unless you're right hand is broken, or you're on stage or are running for president.

anyway, getting back to charlie's post: when greeting someone, a man should always stand up, when meeting either a man or woman. again, it's about showing some respect.

Indeed.

Interesting thing about handshakes....A woman does not need to offer her hand to a gentleman upon first meeting the way a man should offer his hand to another man. However, if the woman should put her hand out, then the gentleman should shake her hand. Again, not firmly, but with enough pressure to be felt. Also, a man should not extend his hand to a woman [for a handshake] unless she has extended hers, first.

 

[kitchenelf]

Note to administarators: we need "embarassed" smilie here.[/FONT][/COLOR]

- is that what you mean?

 

[VeraBlue]

I have always stood up when greeting someone. It doesn't seem odd to
me at all. My husband makes it a point to shake all the men and boy's hands
when saying hello and goodbye. I normally don't shake someones hand
unless I am in a business situation or just being introduced to someone.
Of course if they offer a hand shake I shake. Both my husband and I
would definately offer our seat to someone who needs it more than us.
Lets say and older person, pregnant lady, or someone who just looks like
they need it more. Now my kids will give them their chair then come
sit with me and share my chair. I don't remember my parents being hard
on my about this stuff maybe it was that I just saw it in everyday life.
This is just the way to act. You know it really upsets me when you
buy something at store and the check out person does not say anything,
not even the amount you own. No smile, no how are you? or even have
a nice day. What is it putting someone out to just be polite? Being
polite to me makes me a happier person.

Rickell, I agree that inattentive sales associates are rude. Unfortunately, too many people permit that behaviour to continue, and so it persists. As a customer, you are entitled to a pleasant encounter in a shoppe. Management and owners would insist on it, for you. If you encounter such behaviour you may indicate your dissatisfaction any number of ways, all very polite, as well. The first, and least confrontational is to simply wait...wait until you are adressed, or at the very least, acknowledged. Don't offer your payment until some form of contact is made.
You could also suffer the transaction and immediately seek the counsel of a superior, or manager. Relate the incident calmly, but sincerely. They are in the business of pleasing customers and would prefer situations like this are brought to their attention. Naturally, you are not seeking to see the associate called to carpet before you, but some assurance that the situation will be rectified before you return again should be forthcoming.
You also have the pen. Write a letter, or email, if you must...but write. Do some research and obtain an address to set off a missive that voices your disapproval. State times and dates and exact locations when possible. Someone from the spin control department should respond quickly.
Lastly, cease frequenting such establishments. I'd advise against simply ceasing with no explanation to management. Failure to explain may mean the unsatifactory service can continue ad infinitum. If you don't mention it, it may as well not have happened.

The worse road to take is the road of apathy, or doing nothing. If you (collective you) choose to do nothing, then you are permitting the grievance and are equally culpable.

 

[Katie H]

Vera, you are absolutely right about not ignoring poor/unacceptable service. Buck and I have spoken up as you have suggested and have seen changes in service as a result. Not always. Sometimes. At least we said something.

On the flip side, I feel it is also good manners to commend superior service. I have made the effort to call the restaurant management the day after an extraordinary meal to express my gratitude. I always make it a point to mention the server's name and the time and date of the meal in the hope that my comments will make their way to the appropriate person.

I've never worked in the food service business, but I can imagine it is stressful and challenging. Having someone recognize sincere efforts would seem to me to be welcomed by those hard-working souls.

Sometimes it seems so much easier to give negative comments than to offer positive ones.

 

[licia]

One thing I've noticed in several eating establishments is the lack of knowledge of the menu by the wait staff. Several times I've asked questions about something on the menu and the waitress/waiter act like they arrived at the same time I did and never saw the menu. I see this as a definite lack of training and something that should be taken care of before the staff ever hit the floor to take orders. I don't expect them to have eaten some of everything, but they should have a working knowledge of what may be ordered.

 

[Nicholas Mosher]

You guys should see the film "Waiting"...

 

[StirBlue]

I was out of town staying in a large city. I was not going to get my rental car for hours so I called a taxi. When it arrived, there was another passenger in the front seat. She and the cab driver were both smoking cigarettes and there was a lot of smoke in the car. I pushed the button and rolled down my window and leaned over and rolled down the opposite one too.

The lady in the front seat gave the driver a one dollar bill and asked him to roll up the windows and he did. Two blocks down the street and I rolled them back down. This time, she took a $20 bill out of her purse, rolled it up and showed it to the cab driver. So he rolled up the windows again.

A few blocks down the street, the cab driver pulled into a parking space and asked the woman for $15.65. She gave him sixteen dollars and left the cab.

Funny thing, my fare was $20 even.

 

[Katie H]

I was out of town staying in a large city. I was not going to get my rental car for hours so I called a taxi. When it arrived, there was another passenger in the front seat. She and the cab driver were both smoking cigarettes and there was a lot of smoke in the car. I pushed the button and rolled down my window and leaned over and rolled down the opposite one too.

The lady in the front seat gave the driver a one dollar bill and asked him to roll up the windows and he did. Two blocks down the street and I rolled them back down. This time, she took a $20 bill out of her purse, rolled it up and showed it to the cab driver. So he rolled up the windows again.

A few blocks down the street, the cab driver pulled into a parking space and asked the woman for $15.65. She gave him sixteen dollars and left the cab.

Funny thing, my fare was $20 even.

How incredibly rude!!! She was a poor money manager, too. Sorry you had to endure such a nasty ride.

 

[CharlieD]

I wouldn't get into can if somebody was smoking in it period.

 

[karadekoolaid]

How very interesting!
I've just read this entire post from start to finish. How much has actually sunk in, I'm not sure.
I was brought up in England, Victorian style. Everyone sat down at the table together. No-one began eating until the others were served. No elbows, and definitely no hats ( hats are removed when entering a house of restaurant!)Fork in the left hand, knife in the right ( and NEVER held like a pencil). Use your fork upside down; NEVER shovel your peas on a fork ( I'm still very adept at balancing peas on the back of the fork!). Pass the salt, pass the pepper, pass the gravy, please. No talking whilst eating, much less with your mouth full. A little mouthful at a time, rather than stuffing your face. NEVER eat with your mouth open. Never make a noise whilst eating. If you have guests, wait for the guest to start before you do. Never push your plate away when you've finished. Do not leave the table unless you ask.

Any transgressors got a rap across the knuckles with the back of a spoon.
The most appalling example of bad manners, for me, is someone who picks food off your plate without being invited. Someone over here used to do that to me until I rapped HIM over the knuckles. Never did it again.

So why all the etiquette?
Eating is (and always should be) a pleasurable process. I, for one, don't find anything pleasurable about a slob spread halfway across the table talking with his mouthful and spitting food at others. Yuk!!

 

[suzyQ3]

How very interesting!
I've just read this entire post from start to finish. How much has actually sunk in, I'm not sure.
I was brought up in England, Victorian style. Everyone sat down at the table together. No-one began eating until the others were served. No elbows, and definitely no hats ( hats are removed when entering a house of restaurant!)Fork in the left hand, knife in the right ( and NEVER held like a pencil). Use your fork upside down; NEVER shovel your peas on a fork ( I'm still very adept at balancing peas on the back of the fork!). Pass the salt, pass the pepper, pass the gravy, please. No talking whilst eating, much less with your mouth full. A little mouthful at a time, rather than stuffing your face. NEVER eat with your mouth open. Never make a noise whilst eating. If you have guests, wait for the guest to start before you do. Never push your plate away when you've finished. Do not leave the table unless you ask.

Any transgressors got a rap across the knuckles with the back of a spoon.
The most appalling example of bad manners, for me, is someone who picks food off your plate without being invited. Someone over here used to do that to me until I rapped HIM over the knuckles. Never did it again.

So why all the etiquette?
Eating is (and always should be) a pleasurable process. I, for one, don't find anything pleasurable about a slob spread halfway across the table talking with his mouthful and spitting food at others. Yuk!!

Are you or anyone else familiar with what my etiquette-strict mother used to call the "boarding house reach"? I never knew whether she made it up or not, but it referred to reaching to grab something on the table instead of asking politely for it to be passed to you.

 

[Katie H]

Are you or anyone else familiar with what my etiquette-strict mother used to call the "boarding house reach"? I never knew whether she made it up or not, but it referred to reaching to grab something on the table instead of asking politely for it to be passed to you.

Yes, I've heard of it. I think it may have come about as a way to get your mealtime "due" before the other diners did, boarding house-style. Somehow I picture the same thing happening at the table of one of my aunt and uncle's house at mealtime. They had 11 children.

 

[suzyQ3]

I wouldn't get into can if somebody was smoking in it period.

I'm sure you meant "car," unless we're back to discussing toilets.

What a very strange thread this is.

 

[CharlieD]

oops, sory, yes, of course I ment "car". Thank you.

 

[Claire]

Lulu, you're definitely on my guest list. What you said about manners and etiquette really struck a chord with me. The very first time I wound up having to sit at a head table I was just apalled. Yes, I was taught etiquette for just that reason -- my mom had been taught manners, but not necessarily formal etiquette and was apalled herself when she had to go to her first military formal. In this case I was going to a dining-out for West Point graduates and was very surprised to get there and find my name on the head table (my boyfriend was the youngest grad). All that wait and watch someone eat first goes down the drain -- THEY are waiting for YOU to eat first! To top it off, I didn't realize that at formal banquets you are never seated next to your spouse/date. For a good reason, it makes you socialize with strangers. But thanks to those Sundays of my childhood I made it through with only one minor faux pas. After dinner, I was chatting with the commanding general, drinking a glass of white wine (thank heaven for that). Someone joined us and I backed up a step to include him, forgetting that I was already backed up to the platform the head table was on. I fell backwards, pinwheeling my arms to keep from falling on my butt. The general went to grab me, and both of our drinks went flying. My finary was all borrowed (I didn't own a formal). Like I said, thank heaven he and I were both politely sipping WHITE wine, or both his mess dress and my borrowed velvet skirt and silk blouse would have been ruined. My clothes and his uniform lived to dance and dine again after a trip to the cleaners. Ironically, after hearing the tale, a high ranking civilian I worked for said his wife absolutely refused to go anywhere if she thought she had to sit at the head table. So I wound up doing it again a few times, as his "date" (strictly platonic, he just wanted someone who would not embarass him and could converse with strangers). p.s., General Kelly was vastly amused to learn I was a veteran and a feminist when my then-boyfriend was such a chauvinist.

 

[Fisher's Mom]

I Like Your Style!

This is something that carries over into the way I choose to cook and present food. I like the food I serve to people to be ready for eating with either a fork, spoon, or chopsticks.

I really like this Nicholas. I think that when people are dining guests (unless they are very good, long time friends), they would appreciate not being served "difficult" foods and this avoid possible embarassment at not knowing how to eat it correctly or making a mess accidentally. Your approach seems very considerate of your guests by allowing them to fully enjoy the meal and the company. While I love to eat really messy foods, I prefer to eat them in my own home with only my family around to laugh at me!

 

[SpiritWolf]

I only eat Kebabs from the stick (skewer) pick it up in the hands and enjoy, thats what us Aussies do anyway, that is what the good old BBQ is for, fingers and the occassional , knife,fork,spoon, then enjoy and lick the fingers later. Wash it down with a good Ale or drink of your choice.