Dove, Darlin - I don't know how I missed all this. I've been down the road you're on, with my son; it's a hard road - and that Mother Teresa quote wears pretty thin after a while!
Being a 'caregiver' which is what you are right now, in addition to being a loving spouse - are hard roles to juggle. I had so many people tell me when Matt came home - just be his mom, let other people be caregivers. Well, it took forever and for reasons too long to go into here, but I and hubbie (Matt's stepdad, the most wonderful man in the world) were his primary caregivers for a year and a half.
Here's what I would suggest to try and get some help for you - talk with YOUR doctor; if you have back problems that would prevent giving him the care he needs, insurance may pay for an aide to come in and help out. This is a toughie - and your hubbie may kick his heels and say he just wants you - don't let that wear you down. If you go down, too, you're not going to be any good to either of you.
Check with your local social services; sometimes they offer 'respite' care to give you a break; sometimes senior centers have day programs where he could go and be supervised while you get some time off.
Ask for help from your church, from your neighbors and friends, and family members. Make a list and don't be embarassed to ask people to do things like go grocery shopping, clean the bathroom (yes! - I had a dear friend come over and clean our house once a week - at first I was so embarassed, but it prevented me from being so exhausted I couldn't stand up); bring meals over; sit with hubbie while you get some 'you' time, even if it's just going for a walk or shopping, or taking a Calgon bath - whatever floats your boat and brings you peace.
You can get through this; just please, please don't think you can do it all yourself.
(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Jackie