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Old 06-07-2007, 07:45 PM   #1
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Anorexia help, if anyone knows anything, not me

A lady I work with, she's about 39 or so, is very thin. Always has been very thin and many have said she causes herself to be that way, without going into any details, if you know what I mean. I saw her today {haven't seen her for months] and don't know her all that well, but today, after she told me she's broken up with her long time boyfriend [been broken up for many months now] and said she was happy as it wasn't right anyway, I noticed that if she now weighs 80 pounds, I'd be giving her pounds.

I know none of this is my business. I know that anything I would say would fall on deph ears. I am concerned. I like this gal. She's different, always has been, but when I saw her today, she was secretly eating mustard out of a little El Pollo Loco salsa container. Pouring it in from the original French's bottle, then swollowing it. She didn't know anyone was within her view, but I was, and think I startled her when I said hello.

How can I say anything? Can I say anything? Can I mention it to her or anyone? I am worried, she'd blow away in a mild wind and I am now thinking she really does have a problem. I have never seen legs that 'bone only'. Please offer advice. TIA...


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Old 06-07-2007, 07:55 PM   #2
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Ouch, LEFSE. You're in a tough spot, but your observation of her eating mustard should be a red flag. Mustard, if consumed enough, will induce vomiting. I know that for other reasons. I have no experience with anorexia/bullimia, so I can't offer any advice. However, I imagine you will get some answers soon enough from other members.

In the meantime, I will keep this lady in my thoughts and prayers because, clearly, she is in need of help.

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Old 06-07-2007, 08:45 PM   #3
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Even though she may not listen to you I still think you need to say something to her. If you can contact her family or someone she might listen to do that but you need to voice your concerns. If you don't say or do anything and she gets worse (although it may be hard to imagine it can get worse!) you'll always wonder if you could have done something. It's always a touchy thing to say something but you can approach it as not having seen her in a while and how you really noticed the difference. Let her know you see the changes and that you are willing to help even if it is just to listen at this point.
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Old 06-07-2007, 09:06 PM   #4
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Miss LEFSElover...........

This young lady's life could very well be hanging in the balance! Do not sit quitely by! Voice your concerns loudly to colleagues, and superiors Odds are you are not the only one that has noticed this tragic situation! In the end it will be her family that possibly can help her. Find out if they know! Tread softly in saying anything directly to her. As you stated it will fall on deaf ears.

Best Wishes!
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Old 06-07-2007, 09:52 PM   #5
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Do you have a Human Resources department to confide with? That might be a good first course.

I agree with Uncle Bob, she could be dangerously close to worse things..

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Old 06-07-2007, 10:31 PM   #6
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I can tell you this much,anorexia, can be brought on by meds,by a person like my neice, who decided that she wanted her way and the only way to get it was to refuse to eat..She did this till she was so thin we feared for her life. No amount of talking,pleading,begging,anger did any good...It took her finally being so ill, she gave in and agreed to see a doctor, took meds, and began to heal. The healing took over a year..Mine was caused by meds I took for diabetes...Then there are those who have low self-esteem, who desire control over something anything in their lives...All of us, will back up if approached the wrong way about what we weigh...I was a lucky one, but fought being told i was to thin,when my oldest daughter would beg, please momm, take just one more bite, it was all I could do to do it without being full of anger...ONce I realized that I was in trouble, I drifted through my daughters wedding, something I'd worked so hard to pull together, spending hours on flower arraingments, colors,and now couldn't remember the wedding without seeing the video, it snapped me out of it..Even then and now, it is sometimes difficult to make myself take that first bite, I do it because I know,I have to be very careful not to fall back into going without a meal..
So, yes your friend needs, help, but going over her head to a boss is in my mind not the thing to do..Chances are, they know..Her family does to..If you feel you have to intervene, do it face to face, in a quiet place where people will not overhear..Be honest,sincere, and be ready to get the cold shoulder, just let her know, you know, you care, and you have to be willing to be tough when you need to be..At first there won't be any thank you's, that comes a lot later, when your friend realizes, she now has a life to live.

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Old 06-08-2007, 01:19 PM   #7
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I want to thank you all for talking to me about this.
It's been hard to get back to this thread, due to work, and am just now turning on the computer.

I should make clear, I am in a career where I see people often or nearly never in my job. I may see someone today, but haven't seen them in months or years. She is a very casual acquaintance at best. I've only spoken to her on very few occasions over the last 6 or so years. And never heard her speak of her family. We've only spoken for minutes at a time, very surfacey, and it's been about her boyfriend, mostly.

[I grew up in the same area] and his father owned a car dealership there. She enjoyed that I knew of the area and somehow I think that brought her validation due to it being a pricey hoity toity upscale area and I knew of [it and the dealership] so I must have had clout in her eyes maybe. Or that I'd be impressed with him due to his dad seemingly being a big wig in town. At any rate, I think she felt like I was okay to talk to.

Other colleagues of mine have told me that they've "seen her" come out of the bathroom and the tale tale signs of [after the fact]. I may not see her again for many months. Yesterday, she ran in and out of our office to check in for work, then dashed out. My best hope is to write her a letter and stick it in her file at work where she'll see it when she goes into work again. I'll enclose my phone number and email address but then won't expect her to use either, and will expect the cold shoulder from her next time we do see each other.

I had a next door neighbor die of Anorexia, after so many years of struggling with it. She was brilliant and beautiful and so very entertaining and funny. I watched her waste away to a mere nothing. I watched her hair fall out, her skin turn to blotch, her frail existence was all that was left. I would talk to her, pray with her, ask her to ''listen to me please'' and all she would say was, "You can't help me, hard as you want to and as much as I know there's love behind you and your concern, it's up to me to force food in my mouth and sometimes I can take a bite, but mostly I can't." She was in and out of hospitals, with attempts being made to force increase her weight. Her tiny little body stopped after all the other functions of her tiny self had stopped long before.

I need help here with this and I will seek out our HR privately and ask them if there's intervention. Gad I hate to be the tattler but think if someone doesn't step up on her behalf whether she wants it or not, it'll be a sad thing.
Thank you all for being so candid with me and lending your ears and words.
...Trials travel best when you're taking the transportation known as prayer...SLRC
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Old 06-08-2007, 02:36 PM   #8
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Oh Lefse, my heart goes out to you. Its very hard to stand by and not be able to help isn't it? Sadly, your neighbour was right and no matter how much you care, how well intentioned you are it is up to the person who is ill to seek help and to access it. If you don't know this person well, it might be ill advised to speak to your superior about it. You know best what is acceptable in your organization so do what your heart tells you to do. No amount of caring in this world goes unnoticed. Big hug to you, and your bulimic friend.
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. Robin Williams
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Old 06-09-2007, 01:06 AM   #9
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sent you a message!
i believe that life would not be complete sans comfy 'ol tee-shirts, the Golden Girls, and the color pink
& rock on, PITTSBURGH-
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Old 06-09-2007, 10:35 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by luvs
sent you a message!
sent you one back but you're full, clear some space out please so you can receive it

...Trials travel best when you're taking the transportation known as prayer...SLRC
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