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Old 01-19-2006, 05:32 PM   #1
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Cats Diary

One of my personal favourites...

DAY 1 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.
DAY 2 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed (again).
DAY 3 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 4 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed And condescended about what a good little cat I was... Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 5 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.
DAY 6 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 7 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

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Old 01-20-2006, 12:35 PM   #2
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The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit


lmao i love that part
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Old 01-20-2006, 12:54 PM   #3
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Laugh out loud!

My cats diary would read...

Day 1: woke up, made my daddy feed me his left over milk, made my mommy feed me, went back to sleep ( behind the couch where they can't see me, cuz I don't want to go out side)woke up, made my mommy feed me, made my mommy pet me, got thrown out side Mommy says "lily you have to poop" I don't know what's wrong with pooping upstairs on the carpet, come back in, made mommy feed me, went to sleep.

Day 2-7 repeat exactly.
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Old 01-20-2006, 04:32 PM   #4
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LOL, Lily QoC has you trained well!
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Old 01-20-2006, 04:32 PM   #5
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lol.. yes
yes she does. She's the boss and knows it well.
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Old 01-22-2006, 05:40 AM   #6
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Quote:
More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
My favourite line, so much deviousness flowing through it! That's awesome Alix, thank-you!
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Old 01-22-2006, 06:24 PM   #7
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I love this one. Of course I also love the Get Fuzzy Cartoon. Equally bad cat!
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Old 01-27-2006, 06:53 PM   #8
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All but day 4 and 7 are in the daily routine of my kitty.
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Old 01-27-2006, 08:58 PM   #9
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You took our cat's diary! But you left out the part where:

Jumped up on Dad's shoulders while he was in front of that other cat they have but I can't seem to get to....he jumped and made that funny sound that comes just before the red stuff shows - he's finally learning to carry me where I want him to - they are so very slow at being trained!


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Old 01-29-2006, 02:55 AM   #10
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Alix, that is great!!!
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