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Old 06-30-2008, 08:22 PM   #2981
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my vent at this moment is my hard candy recipe won't setup can't figure out why all of a sudden this is happening
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Old 07-01-2008, 10:45 AM   #2982
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mav, again, i'm sorry you seem to have taken offense to my post.

i thought about it afterwards, and figured that you were probably the one who would be making the most sacrifices.

but you mentioned your kids in your original vent as an afterthought. to quote "And then there's the kids". i just thought you might need, like i said, a wake up call to make sure you have your priorities straight as you wallow in yoiur self pity.

now, i hope you understand the reason i'm being so harsh about this is that i've been through almost the same exact things. except that it was before we had our son. but a lot of that stuff carried over.

while i wallowed, my dad talked to me just the way i wrote to you. looking back, i realized that i really needed it. lol, in fact, my post sounds an awful lot like i became my dad for a few minutes there.

anyway, the point i was making that seems to have been lost is that the ONLY important matter is that you need to provide a stable environment for your kids, at all times. if your wife is that messed up, you might have to bite the bullet and force this issue.

the worst part is that you can't ask your kids what they want. as you've said, they don't know the entire situation, and will (should) never know the pain in your heart from it. you are going to have to do this by yourself. (btw, we all carry around baggage in our hearts. it's about how you deal with it, and hopefully let it go in time)

co-habitating is something that never works, from my experiences. ok, well, it may for some people, but not when there's been truely hurtful things done and said. it would be difficult to stay together even if she was apologizing and trying to make up for it, nevermind continuing to say worse things.
and once a cheater, always a cheater.

so, that's my 2 cents. i will respect your wishes to let this go, if you want. but realize that everyone who responded to your vent had your best intentions in mind, and are trying to be supportive, myself included.

you have a tough road ahead, so if you need someone to talk to you like my dad does, you know i'm here.
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Old 07-01-2008, 11:06 AM   #2983
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dogbaker View Post
I had clicked to reply to a thread about venting that started out with a complaint about bobbins,however I think this changed by the time I replied.
No dogbaker, you're right on. I am the OP and when I started this thread I was about ready to dropkick my sewing machine into the neighbours yard. Thanks for the sympathies!
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Old 07-01-2008, 11:29 AM   #2984
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It's hard for anyone to give advice about something like that, Mav. You have to go with your gut feeling, no matter what your heart is telling you. Will she do it again? The kids will eventually pick up that something is wrong later in life if something like this happens again - they'll see the relationship between you and your wife and think that it is normal - it may damage any of their future relationships. Think about what's best for the kids in the long run - but also what's best for you, and her. If it's going to be a lifetime of history repeating itself, save your entire family the trouble - even if you love her, love is not doing what she did.

Just to add.. My best friend has been with the same man for almost 20 years. They have two children together and are married. He has cheated on her numerous times, and she has stayed. After the last time, late last year, she has been unhappy and does not feel the same about him. She is staying with him for the kids - that's all. I can see how unhappy she is and I am always urging her to go, but she won't. Her life is miserable at times and sometimes she can't even look at him. I'm not sure about your entire situation, as nobody but you does, but from an outsiders point of view, do you really think she will change in the long run if she hasn't now?
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Old 07-01-2008, 11:41 AM   #2985
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Wow. Maverick, PM me if you want to talk more, but in the meantime take a deep breath and focus. Reread what has been said to you. Then find a quiet moment and really think about some things. What is the BEST solution for your kids that you can live with? Its clear from your posts that you put your kids first, its also clear if you are seeing a therapist for cutting etc that you are working through some of your own stuff. What can you manage? What are you teaching your kids either way? If you stay in this relationship, you need to be open and honest with your wife that you are there for the kids and you need to present a united front for them. If you leave, you need to make sure the kids understand whats up. Kids are most vulnerable to a parental separation from about 10 - 15 or so. It really screws them up. Tough balancing act. Kids welfare on one side you on the other. Someone with your gentle and generous heart doesn't deserve this. I think you also know what decision you need to make. Please talk to BT, he really does know what he is talking about. You are more alike than you know and I think he could really help you work through some of this.

(BT, sorry to throw you out there without asking first, but I know you well enough to know you'll be OK with it. If not...send me some of that goose turd you love so much!)


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Old 07-01-2008, 11:47 AM   #2986
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no prob, alix.

you just have to give me a minute to get into my "dad" routine. (a grizzled, old, wwii veteran/firefighter/writer).
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Old 07-01-2008, 11:49 AM   #2987
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no prob, alix.

you just have to give me a minute to get into my "dad" routine. (a grisled, old, wwii veteran/firefighter/writer).
Holy cow, you just described my Dad. WWII navy vet. We called him a curmudgeon. Biggest marshmallow in the world under that gruff exterior though.
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Old 07-01-2008, 01:17 PM   #2988
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OK. How stupid is this?
I made an appt to get my vehicle inspected today. I was told to drop it off at noon and it would take about an hour. So, I had someone pick me up and I took them to lunch. She dropped me off 15 minutes ago to pick up my vehicle, or so I thought.
They were JUST STARTING ON IT! When I walked in the mechanic said, we take lunch from 12 to 1:00, we're just starting. Well then why did you tell me to drop it off at noon then?! How stupid is that?!
So I've got his truck so I could get back home and tend to some things, but I just had to vent here first.....

Thank you
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Old 07-01-2008, 01:34 PM   #2989
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Nothing major , just frustrated that I saw 2 blue herons fly past and didn't get a photo of them. It is the first time I've seen two at one time .
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Old 07-01-2008, 05:18 PM   #2990
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i am mad at the handyman. and he is not even working for me. lol

supposed to be working for man next door on his porch. he took a three day week-end. yesterday he spent most of his time asleep sitting up on my sofa. left early. no see em today at all.

at least he is consistent.

babe
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