Petty Vents

[Dawgluver]

Venting

This is my last resort as I've tried everything else during the past couple of years...

I've just given in to them. My little vegetable garden is now fenced in, which keeps the deer out, but the bunnies still get in. The moles continue to tunnel up my yard. The groundsquirrels dig up almost everything I plant, and then I have to re-plant it. And don't even talk to me about the raccoons and possums!

I used to be fastidious about having a nice lawn, tried traps and such, but now I've learned to live with all the critters.

 

[Cooking Goddess]

A pellet gun works really well. Don't ask me how I know...

SO glad you quoted roadfix. At first, my mind processed your comment as a reply to NickeeCoco's comment about people questioning her about having children.

 

[Dawgluver]

SO glad you quoted roadfix. At first, my mind processed your comment as a reply to NickeeCoco's comment about people questioning her about having children.

Heh. I would not recommend a pellet gun on children!

 

[CWS4322]

That's what I told him. You are denying me the pleasure of having grandchildren.


Sent from my iPad using Discuss Cooking

CharlieD, it is not the obligation of the child to produce grandchildren. I do not have children. I was busy with my career, etc., in my 30s. In hindsight, I wish I had had children. Not for my parents so they could enjoy having grandchildren, but now I have come to the realization I do not have any heirs or someone who will take care of me, help me when I can no longer live in my own home, etc. One doesn't think of these things when they are young.

 

[Cooking Goddess]

Heh. I would not recommend a pellet gun on children!

Not on the kids, Dawg! For those nosy, annoying people who ask someone "why don't they have kids". THEY are the ones who need a little *boom*.

 

[GotGarlic]

CharlieD, it is not the obligation of the child to produce grandchildren. I do not have children. I was busy with my career, etc., in my 30s. In hindsight, I wish I had had children. Not for my parents so they could enjoy having grandchildren, but now I have come to the realization I do not have any heirs or someone who will take care of me, help me when I can no longer live in my own home, etc. One doesn't think of these things when they are young.

A friend of mine who also doesn't have children used to talk about having a "Golden Girls" situation with a helper paid by all the residents.

And remember, Charlie, not all women, or men, can have children. Some have medical issues that can prevent it and infertility treatment is incredibly expensive.

 

[Dawgluver]

Venting

OK. On soapbox. Children do not define you. Anyone can pop out a kid. There is nothing wrong with not having your own. It doesn't mean you are defective.

Off soapbox.

 

[NickeeCoco]

SO glad you quoted roadfix. At first, my mind processed your comment as a reply to NickeeCoco's comment about people questioning her about having children.

Haha. That's quite the response to have to that question.

It is a very personal and invasive question that people, for whatever reason, feel they are allowed to ask. Strangers, even. I don't go asking if people have hemorrhoids or why they can't afford a bigger house.

I am lucky in that both my parents and my in-laws respect our decision. They may be disappointed, but they've never questioned it or hounded us. My mother still has my sister and brother to procreate for her if they so choose. However, neither one are married or seeing anyone. My husband is an only child, so there isn't anyone else for my mother-in-law. Some friends of my husband's have children, and they live near my in-laws, so they've become their surrogate grand parents and spoil them.

 

[Addie]

Being a grandparent is not all it is cracked up to be. Your children think they have a built-in at any hour babysitter. They forget that you just may have plans of your own. Their plans are always more important than yours. If you are still working, they think it is all right for you to lose a day or two of work instead of themselves. Then should you have a free weekend and want to see the kids, they have plans of their own that include the kids. Your wishes don't always count in their eyes.

Has all this happened to me? No. Only because I made it clear that I don't babysit for free and am not available at a drop of a hat. I only babysit in the event of a medical emergency. If I can raise five kids alone, then two parents can raise one child together.

 

[NickeeCoco]

Has all this happened to me? No. Only because I made it clear that I don't babysit for free and am not available at a drop of a hat. I only babysit in the event of a medical emergency.

That's what my mom told me if we ever chose to have kids. She said it has to be planned in advance and only if she's free. I get that. It is inconsiderate otherwise.

 

[Andy M.]

Being a grandparent is not all it is cracked up to be. Your children think they have a built-in at any hour babysitter. They forget that you just may have plans of your own. Their plans are always more important than yours. If you are still working, they think it is all right for you to lose a day or two of work instead of themselves. Then should you have a free weekend and want to see the kids, they have plans of their own that include the kids. Your wishes don't always count in their eyes.

Has all this happened to me? No. Only because I made it clear that I don't babysit for free and am not available at a drop of a hat. I only babysit in the event of a medical emergency. If I can raise five kids alone, then two parents can raise one child together.

Never happened to me either. My daughter always asks without assuming I will say yes. I've been helping care for my grandson since his birth and every season (school year, summer) she comes to me and asks if I will do it all again before she makes a schedule.

Maybe children taking parents for granted isn't all that common.

 

[Chief Longwind Of The North]

Being a Grandparent isn't as rewarding for me as being a father was, simply because all of my my children have had to move away to find jobs, and take their kids with them. When I have the opportunity to be with them, I will babysit any time I can, and play with the young'ens, or sing with them, or read to them. I will design paper airplanes, or kites, with them. I will teach them to make my pancakes, or fry a pork chop, whatever I'm allowed to do.

Doing things for and with my kids, and my grandkids is a blessing beyond measure. They aren't an imposition. They are a big part of my purpose in life. In my opinion, if you find children and grandchildren as something that get in you way, then you shouldn't have children.

The service of others, giving love and effort, is more rewarding than any other thing a person can do in this world. This is true for me, even though I've had and taken the opportunity to live in both worlds, one where it was all about me, and one where it's all about my family.

the one that was all about me was after I'd struck out on my own as a young adult, and before I got married. In that short time I got to be a passenger in a navy jet, where the pilot did aerial acrobatics. I got to scuba, climb a mountain, lots of dirt biking, running with friends, softball, learning advanced electronic theory and troubleshooting, and the list goes on and on.

Though those things were exciting, they paled in comparison to holding my baby children, helping them learn to ride bicycles, teaching them how to tie proper knots, teaching them to safely use a canoe, to make cookies without a recipe, guiding them with their science projects, and everything else that goes with being a dad.

The tag line at the bottom of my posts says it all for me. It is my favorite quote ever.

Our families should be more important to us than any other thing we can do or accomplish. I don't believe that what I have just said is an opinion, I believe it's a fundamental fact of life in this world.

Being a grandpa is bittersweet. I have to step back and allow my kids to be the dads and moms, to have the same blessings I enjoyed raising them. I still get to teach the grandkids, and guide them. But my job now is to reinforce and support the actions of my own children in the role of parent. They're good at it, and they make me very proud.

Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North

 

[CarolPa]

My son's in-laws go to AZ for the winter, so we are the only family around for them during the winter months. We babysat a lot before they moved, but when they told us they were moving I told them they would be losing their instant babysitter. They could call us at 7AM and we could run and pick up DGS, but now they are an hour away. We will watch him if it's an emergency. Another thing...they got used to us picking him up and bringing him home. They never think to bring him to us, or come to pick him up.

We went through a hard time when my son and his first wife divorced. She had a son from a previous marriage, but he was still like a grandson to us, even though it was not bio. When they got divorced, wham! He was gone from our lives, just like that. We could not even invoke grandparents rights since we were not real grandparents.

 

[bakechef]

OK. On soapbox. Children do not define you. Anyone can pop out a kid. There is nothing wrong with not having your own. It doesn't mean you are defective.

Off soapbox.

People ask us all the time if we are going to adopt. We're always being told "you guys are so great with kids". Kids love Rob, I think they see a kindred spirit with him, he's got an almost childlike exuberance. We're in a position that we are fairly comfortable as adults, but having kids would be a huge financial strain. We're lucky that we aren't able to produce an "oops" kid.

 

[Dawgluver]

Venting

People ask us all the time if we are going to adopt. We're always being told "you guys are so great with kids". Kids love Rob, I think they see a kindred spirit with him, he's got an almost childlike exuberance. We're in a position that we are fairly comfortable as adults, but having kids would be a huge financial strain. We're lucky that we aren't able to produce an "oops" kid.

DH and I are both good with kids. We're both pretty goofy. I've worked with kids for over 30 years, and have also fostered a couple of them. I also have plenty of nieces and nephews that we practice our goofiness on, and they like it.

 

[Addie]

Unfortunately in today's world, more and more grandparents are raising their grandchildren due to drugs. I had three of my daughter's off and on for about six years. Then when she died, I knew there was no way I could care for them until the last one reached adulthood and keep working. So I decided to take the oldest one right when she was just entering her teens. I had had her for a couple of years when she was just a toddler. Then her mother got her act together and I really missed having her. But she always knew I would always be there for her. So often she would have a fight with her mother and come to stay with me for a month or so. I managed to get her through H.S. while she continued to get straight A's. She had to be home schooled. That meant I had to readjust my own schedule because the teacher could not be left alone with the pupil in the home. It was the school policy as well as the law.

In spite of having to get her through her grief of losing her mother, I managed to get her to graduation and a wedding. She is still married and has three children of her own. They now live out of state and I never get to see any of them. Three of her siblings make it a point of coming down from Maine to visit me. There is only one grandchild that would be in need of a babysitter. But I don't see him but once every couple of years. I have no idea when I might see him again if ever.

I did enjoy taking my very first grandchild for the day. I would put him in his stroller and off we would go. He was just an infant, but still a lot of fun to care for. He is now 37 and has no children of his own. I have lost track of how many grand and great grands there are. Too many for Christmas gifts.

 

[CWS4322]

People ask us all the time if we are going to adopt. We're always being told "you guys are so great with kids". Kids love Rob, I think they see a kindred spirit with him, he's got an almost childlike exuberance. We're in a position that we are fairly comfortable as adults, but having kids would be a huge financial strain. We're lucky that we aren't able to produce an "oops" kid.

Bakechef--fast forward to when you are 70. You do not have anyone to help you with taking care of the home, your partner. Think of all you can offer a child. Also, you can wait to adopt until you are in your 40s, even 50. Then you would be in the financial position to do so. don't rule it out now. I wish we had not ruled it out. Hindsight is always 20/20.

 

[GotGarlic]

Bakechef--fast forward to when you are 70. You do not have anyone to help you with taking care of the home, your partner. Think of all you can offer a child. Also, you can wait to adopt until you are in your 40s, even 50. Then you would be in the financial position to do so. don't rule it out now. I wish we had not ruled it out. Hindsight is always 20/20.

Don't you think it's a tad selfish to have children for the purpose of having someone to take care of you when you're old? Did you miss my last post on this topic?

 

[CarolPa]

Bakechef--fast forward to when you are 70. You do not have anyone to help you with taking care of the home,

I can vouch for the fact that having kids does not guarantee that you will have someone to help you when you get older. If you have that you are very fortunate.

 

[CarolPa]

Our other dog loved to be outside and would go out every 15 minutes if you let him. This dog only wants to go out when he has to "go." Meanwhile, DH is thinking of the other dog and asks him if he wants to go outside, all day. The dog thinks that's the only thing he knows how to say! LOL