Tremendous stress/depression

[Bilby]

... shes still very annoying...

Hey Legs - that goes with the territory of motherdom! It ain't ever gonna change!!LOL

 

[Mylegsbig]

Yeah, well she is infuriating me. She is going around town spreading lies about my wife.

Well, she was when she was drunk. You have no idea. She went to a bar we frequent and was telling MY friends that my wife was a whore and she was sleeping with other guys.

I had my friends report it to me.

She would black out and send multiple harassing emails to my wife calling her a whore, saying shes not a "real wife" and all of this.

This was why me getting her off booze was a top priority.

 

[Bilby]

People do say things they shouldn't when they are under the influence, sometimes unforgivable things. Does your wife not have a problem with you staying with your mum? I know several of us have suggested that you don't stay with your mum for your own health reasons but you don't think it might be more political to stay elsewhere as well? That is if you still want to get back with your wife. I know it might impact my view of things if I was your wife. Do the women in your life get on with each other when your mum is sober? Just a couple of things you might like to consider.

 

[Mylegsbig]

i dont want to burden my friend

 

[Bilby]

If a true friend, you will be a burden he/she is prepared to accept. Goes with being a friend. And "burden" is a very loose term as there are always things you can do to lessen a burden.

I hate to impose on people but there are times you just have to.

 

[Chief Longwind Of The North]

Legs; You have stated that you enjoy watching martial artistis, and that your avatar is based on a particular martial artist. Though I have never had a physical addiction, I, like everyone else has had emotional problems at one time or another in my life. I have found that activities that require concentration, especially physical concentration will relieve stress, and improve your self image and self respect more than almost anything else.

For me, it was Judo and Kuk Sul Won, dirt-biking, and archery. Each of those activities required extreme concentration and enhanced my fitness level, ability to discipline myself, and acted as a stress relief.

For some people, tyhing fishing flies does it for them. Others enjoy the challenge of a puzzle. Some play darts. Teh point is, there is some activity out there that will capture your spirit, something you want to be great at. It could be learning to play a musical instrument, or learning to sing. I could be anything.

Other activities that really help are to put do good things for others, voluntarily. When you give of yourself, then you build your self esteem like crazy, and receive the joy that comes from knowing that you helped ease the burdens of another.

Their are many paths to self-healing. When you heal yourself, then you will be ready to be the husband and father that your family desearves. And their is no greater satisfaction of being the best there is at that job.

Seeeeeeya; Goodweed of the North

 

[GB]

i dont want to burden my friend

Part of accepting the fact that you have an addiction is also accepting the fact that you need to ask for and accept help. Others have said this in this thread before so it will not be news coming from me, but you can't do this alone. Stay with a friend or get to a shelter or some other living arrangement. It is going to suck, but guess what? You need to wake up to the fact that you are in a sucky situation right now and need to get yourself out of it by any means necessary. And if that means doing something you don't want to do, well then man up and do it.

You can not have any alcohol where you live. You can not be responsible for taking care of someone else. Your priority right now is to get yourself healthy. No one else. Once you are healthy then you can get your mother healthy, but not before that. You are doing neither of you any good even though your goal may be true.

 

[texasgirl]

GB said it!!
You will not get your family back until you are sober. You will not get and stay sober being around your mothers drinking!! Most people will start drinking to relieve stress. Your mom is compounding the stress you are already experiencing. GET AWAY FROM HER!!!
I can tell you love your family, but, you HAVE to do something to show your wife that your willing to do what is neccessary to be with them. If it takes staying in a shelter, DO IT, if you have to put yourself into rehab, DO IT, stay with a friend, DO IT!!!
What is your priority here, you and your family or your mother?? Your mother made her choices, now, MAKE YOURS!!
Good luck to you, guy. You can do this, I know you can!!!! Lean on your friends, counselors, whomever other than your mom and the bars!!

 

[Mylegsbig]

Again guys, this is the third day, my mother is almost detoxed..i got her to quit drinking.

before this stuff escalates again, im gonna wait it out...there is no alcohol in the house. i threw out that tecate and didnt cook with the beer. ive stayed sober and am getting better every day, as is she. no need for anything drastic just yet.

but yes, ive warned her, if she starts drinking again, im outta here.

on the 28th i have a psychiatrists appointment. im gonna go talk to him and see what he says, and try to get some counselling referrals from him.

also, me and my wife are going to do some couples therapy. again, hopefully supplied by my psychiatrist.

had a doctor's appointment yesterday and im doing better. for sure.

things are well right now. saw my wife yesterday and ironed out a couple of issues, got to play with my daughter as well

cheers, and thanks again fellows

 

[Mylegsbig]

Goodweed, for how many years did you do judo?

I will osoto gari you on your head!

 

[texasgirl]

As long as your doing okay. I'm glad that your going to the dr. and talking about therapy with your wife. It will do you both good to do that. Good luck!!

 

[Mylegsbig]

cheers texasgirl

 

[LEFSElover]

There is half a tecate left in the fridge and i see no reason not to use it. Be a good chance to get rid of it without being wasteful.

thanks for your concern though, friend.

cheers

probably too late now to tell you this but I agree that you ought to dump any and all alcohol in your possession. no more cooking with it either.

 

[GotGarlic]

also, me and my wife are going to do some couples therapy. again, hopefully supplied by my psychiatrist.

had a doctor's appointment yesterday and im doing better. for sure.

things are well right now. saw my wife yesterday and ironed out a couple of issues, got to play with my daughter as well

cheers, and thanks again fellows

I'm really glad to hear this, Legs. I had some friends during and after college who got married and had a son; he acted like he was still in college, drinking and smoking weed a lot, while she was moving on from that and was, of course, doing most of the child care while working full-time. She finally told me she was fed up and was thinking of getting a divorce. I suggested that she leave with her son and stay with family for a while, to knock it into his head how serious she was, but it was too late - she just didn't want to be married to him anymore, so they got divorced.

The fact that your wife wanted to separate but is willing to work with you on this is a very good sign Best of luck to both of you.

 

[Chief Longwind Of The North]

Goodweed, for how many years did you do judo?

I will osoto gari you on your head!

Enough to know that I am still a rank beginner, but a talented one. And my falling techniques, well let's just say that i have survived stepping off a two story building twice in the same day, being struck from behind by a car, while sitting on a motorcycle, flying off of a 60 foot cliff (again on a motorcycle), my feet slipping out from under me on ice, forcing me into a perfect back-fall, and too many other falls and tumbles to list.

Try to throw me with osoto gari, and a quick hand to the small of your back will negate that effort, I will quickly follow up with a choke/submission hold, or as you are spinning to regain your stance, execute horiah goshi. Been there, done that.

You would be absolutely amazed at how well horiah goshi works on a drunken person, another reason to stay sober, yes?

Seeeeeya; Goodweed of the North

 

[Chief Longwind Of The North]

Oh, and just for the record, horiah goshi, hona goshi, epon sianagi, and maroti sianogi are much more fun to watch, and execute, and are much more punishing to the victim. And then there are the grappling and pinning techiques, the arm-bars, wrist-locks, and other fun submission holds. I especially favor the corotid chokes from the front, using the opponant's lapels or collar. It takes a mere twenty to thirty seconds to make an opponant unconscious with that. Quick tap-outs are virtually garunteed.

Seeeeeya; Goodweed of the North

 

[Mylegsbig]

lol

Cheers goodweed!

 

[DawnT]

You two play nice and have a Happy Thanksgivings Day!!

 

[Chief Longwind Of The North]

Thanks. We will. And legs, have the best Thanksgiving ever knowing that you are on the way to reclaiming your wife and children, and your life.

Seeeeeeya; Goodweed of the North

 

[Bilby]

Glad to hear that things are on the improve for you Legs, esp with your holiday season nigh. As I said earlier, your posts show that you are improving. Sometimes just having an outlet is enough to help you through dark times. As you are aware, it is important not to bottle. Just brace yourself for a bit of a dip. It will happen and can really hit you hard if you aren't expecting it.
Be happy.