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Old 07-13-2012, 10:55 AM   #2611
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Originally Posted by bakechef

I too have a toxic sister. She is kind and generous, but then is confrontational and delusional, you are never quite sure which sister that you will see, I am pretty sure that she is bi-polar, but she'll never seek help for it. She has managed to push pretty much everyone away from her. An she too is intelligent, she is a high ranking military officer, but some of the things that come out of her mouth leave me shaking my head. You can make a very obvious statement and she will argue about it, even when she knows that she is wrong. My dad's death last year brought out the worst in her. The day that we knew that my dad would pass, she says "I can't be away from duty any longer", and she leaves to drive 1000 miles home! He passed before she even got out of the state.

She wants to open a business and have me bake for her, but I don't think that there is any way that I could work for her. This would be my dream job under any other circumstances, but I know better than to put myself in that position.
First of all, Barbara, I'm so sorry about your dad, and about your sister making things so much more stressful and difficult.

And bakechef, that is just too bad :( family businesses can be tough under the best circumstances, so it's good that you are holding yourself back from jumping into a commitment with someone so unstable.
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Old 07-13-2012, 02:03 PM   #2612
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Originally Posted by bakechef View Post
I too have a toxic sister. She is kind and generous, but then is confrontational and delusional, you are never quite sure which sister that you will see, I am pretty sure that she is bi-polar, but she'll never seek help for it. She has managed to push pretty much everyone away from her. An she too is intelligent, she is a high ranking military officer, but some of the things that come out of her mouth leave me shaking my head. You can make a very obvious statement and she will argue about it, even when she knows that she is wrong. My dad's death last year brought out the worst in her. The day that we knew that my dad would pass, she says "I can't be away from duty any longer", and she leaves to drive 1000 miles home! He passed before she even got out of the state.

She wants to open a business and have me bake for her, but I don't think that there is any way that I could work for her. This would be my dream job under any other circumstances, but I know better than to put myself in that position.
I know what you mean! As Skittle said, doing business with family is tough under the best of conditions. Re. what you said (in red above), my sister was there when my dad died, but she did leave just a few hours before (not knowing when it might be) to do some cocaine (she didn't say that is what she was doing, but her attitude adjustment indicated it, as well as the money she borrowed from my dad's store). We didn't say anything to her, but we were very angry.

Anyway, my daughter just called and I have an update on the whole situation. As the Bible says, you reap what you sow, and my sister is doing a little reaping right now. Nancy said my sister showed up a day or so ago, banging on the door. Nancy opened the door and saw the look on her face and just said, "No." My sister got irate (her usual mood), and Nancy told her that this should have been a family decision and that she had no right to suddenly make plans on her own and to demand the ashes. After my sister left, Nancy did let my nephew know that if he wanted to come by and get the ashes she would give them to him, but she hadn't wanted to give them to his mom in the state she was in. Done. So they thought anyway. My sister finally thought to check with Amtrak, and they wouldn't let her bring the ashes on the train. Since she had already bought the tickets she and my nephew went ahead on the trip anyway, but she won't be able to do the burial.

Hopefully Nancy, James, and I will be able to afford to do this soon. They are having their own financial struggles (3 kids, they just moved, lots of expenses), and on top of our normal financial struggles, I am waiting to be referred to an expensive specialist to see if I can finally get the hysterectomy I need, so it may be awhile. Thank goodness my dad is in Heaven now and doesn't have to be a party to all this mess. My sister thought he was her personal bank and bail-out guy, and now that he is gone, she is more of a loose cannon than ever.
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Old 07-13-2012, 03:00 PM   #2613
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I wasn't there but that sounds unnecessarily nasty.
Andy, she was accusing me of having a fake ID. She wanted to call the police. Even her manager sided with me. She failed to recognize a valid ID, and she handled it all so wrong. It was not her call to make. She should have quietly brought her concerns to her manager. Not try to embarras me in front of other customers.

How would you feel if you were standing behind someone who was being accused of a crime in a bank? Your first thought would be that the bank was being held up. I think she slept through the class on How To Handle An Emgerency that day.
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Old 07-13-2012, 03:25 PM   #2614
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On a positive note, you must look younger than your age!

Clerks in liquor stores are so afraid of getting caught of selling to minors they are sometimes overly cautious. They are taught how to spot a fake of the local driver's license so feel comfortable with that. If they see an ID that they've never seen before, they probably are concerned they don't know how to tell if it's real or fake.
Andy, if I am not mistaken, I think the RMV here in Mass. has a booklet for liquor stores and other businesses showing what IDs from every state and territories, (Guam, Marshall Islands) including military look like. It is for sale only to a licensed business. Every state now has a hologram and if you hold the ID under a blue light, it will show up. And there are other built in safeguards. I will have to ask my daughter. She works at the RMV.

I should get a new ID. I have no expiration date on mine as it is not a drivers license. The new ones have one and you have to go in for a new pic. I wish I looked like my photo on my ID. It was taken more than ten years ago. I am now all grey and white. I had red hair in my pic. Different glasses, and a mouthul of teeth.
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Old 07-13-2012, 03:56 PM   #2615
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My son and I went to the local bank branch so that he could be added to my checking account -- a simple signing of his name. We were there during the noon hour and ended up waiting a full 30 minutes for the lone person who could accomplish this. Although I've plenty of time, my son didn't have all day. Seems to me they could schedule lunchtimes to better cover the noon hour when people are pressed for time.
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Old 07-13-2012, 04:17 PM   #2616
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Originally Posted by Barbara L View Post
I know what you mean! As Skittle said, doing business with family is tough under the best of conditions. Re. what you said (in red above), my sister was there when my dad died, but she did leave just a few hours before (not knowing when it might be) to do some cocaine (she didn't say that is what she was doing, but her attitude adjustment indicated it, as well as the money she borrowed from my dad's store). We didn't say anything to her, but we were very angry.

Anyway, my daughter just called and I have an update on the whole situation. As the Bible says, you reap what you sow, and my sister is doing a little reaping right now. Nancy said my sister showed up a day or so ago, banging on the door. Nancy opened the door and saw the look on her face and just said, "No." My sister got irate (her usual mood), and Nancy told her that this should have been a family decision and that she had no right to suddenly make plans on her own and to demand the ashes. After my sister left, Nancy did let my nephew know that if he wanted to come by and get the ashes she would give them to him, but she hadn't wanted to give them to his mom in the state she was in. Done. So they thought anyway. My sister finally thought to check with Amtrak, and they wouldn't let her bring the ashes on the train. Since she had already bought the tickets she and my nephew went ahead on the trip anyway, but she won't be able to do the burial.

Hopefully Nancy, James, and I will be able to afford to do this soon. They are having their own financial struggles (3 kids, they just moved, lots of expenses), and on top of our normal financial struggles, I am waiting to be referred to an expensive specialist to see if I can finally get the hysterectomy I need, so it may be awhile. Thank goodness my dad is in Heaven now and doesn't have to be a party to all this mess. My sister thought he was her personal bank and bail-out guy, and now that he is gone, she is more of a loose cannon than ever.
That's tough.

I am not of the mindset that just because someone is family, that you need to put up with their bad behavior. I have a step sister and an adopted sister that I see very little of, just because they will usually create drama and ask for money (I'm the youngest with a modest income). These are from my dad's first marriage and they lived with their mom mostly and she wasn't qualified to raise a cactus, never mind children, they never tried to rise above their upbringing, so we have very little in common. I am nice to them when I have to see them, but they put that wedge between us when they tried to guilt me for money. The toxic sister is one that was raised in my house, she's very successful in the military. My brother with whom I have very little in common with is the one and only sibling that I can count on to be "normal" we can go years without seeing each other and instantly fall back into that fun brother relationship.

I love my family but feel that living 1000 miles away from most of them is a good thing. I surround myself with my family of choice, people who, just being around them alleviates stress, keeps me sane.
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Old 07-13-2012, 04:25 PM   #2617
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Originally Posted by bakechef View Post
...
I love my family but feel that living 1000 miles away from most of them is a good thing. I surround myself with my family of choice, people who, just being around them alleviates stress, keeps me sane.
I started get along with my mother much better, once we were on opposite sides of the Atlantic.

I don't know how well I would get along with my sister if we weren't on opposite sides of the continent. From what I have been reading here, I am feeling blessed with the sister I got.
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Old 07-13-2012, 04:29 PM   #2618
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My mom and I always said the same thing, that it was easier to get along with my sister when she was across the country. It is sad, but when she isn't nearby we can at least hope she is telling the truth. I love my sister, but honestly I would never have chosen her as a friend.
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Old 07-13-2012, 04:39 PM   #2619
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That's tough.

I love my family but feel that living 1000 miles away from most of them is a good thing. I surround myself with my family of choice, people who, just being around them alleviates stress, keeps me sane.
I am the matriarch of the family. The last one of my generation. After me the title passes on to my neice. She is my toxic relative. She is extremely smart along with her husband. But she has never forgiven me for getting my youngest one through medical school. She has yet to get her Masters degree. She has put three kids through school, one getting a Doctorate in theology, a daughter that is an electrical engineer and a son that works for some peace org. in the mid-east. Her claim is that my son went into medicine delibereately to show her what a single mother can do if she puts her mind to it. After all it took two parents to get her kids through college. She also has not forgiven me because my sister had me as a co-owner of her bank box. She didn't even tell her daughter that she had the box. There was more than $5,000 dollars in it when I opened it. I knew about it for years. But I never told anyone. I had secrets about HER family that she was not privy to. I turned her mother against her.

She wants to create a family history. Sooner or later she will have to contact me. She better hurry. My days on this earth are fewer than what I have already used.

Ludicrous, stupid stuff. I just don't call, email or have any contact with her. Why get myself upset. I just want a peaceful, quiet life.
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Old 07-13-2012, 05:49 PM   #2620
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Really should have asked for a manager. A passport should be sufficient in the US.
A passport should be sufficient in any country. A passport should trump a driver's license. I have used my passport more as my photo ID than I have used my driver's license. I can cash a cheque at a bank when I go to MN using my passport. I ran into an issue at the post office the other day. I wanted to add a name to the card for the PO Box. I had just picked up my mail. I was asked for photo ID. I used my passport. I had to show a piece of my mail with my address on it. Which is ridiculous since all the person had to do was pull the card and compare my name to the name on the card (why this isn't computerized is beyond me) (unfortunately, I didn't have a piece of mail addressed to "Occupant.")
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