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Old 05-06-2011, 02:00 PM   #581
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Alix, some people get headaches when the stress finally gets better--less stress, like their heads/bodies hold off on a headache until they have time for it. Sorry you're hurting.
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Old 05-06-2011, 02:14 PM   #582
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Thanks Bliss. I am just sick of taking pills, and there is just no other option when my headache is this bad. Lets hope the stupid thing goes away before I have to drive!
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Old 05-07-2011, 12:19 AM   #583
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Thanks Bliss. I am just sick of taking pills, and there is just no other option when my headache is this bad. Lets hope the stupid thing goes away before I have to drive!
Sorry you are feeling icky! How was your holiday?
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Old 05-07-2011, 01:18 AM   #584
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Life is not fair. I mean it. It is just not fair.

Today I was at the YMCA meeting with my fitness coach to set up a training program for the next four months to meet my goal of walking in the Terry Fox Run in late September. She and I get along famously and she actually accidentally booked me on a day when her kids were on a pro-d day but wanted to keep the appointment because (as she told them when they were whining about being at the Y again) "I am going to help this really courageous lady who 2 months ago came to see me with a cane and now leaves it at home and has set a great goal for herself" (I choked up at this by the way). We had a great meeting and I got Dad from his COPD class there and we went for lunch. We each talked about our successes, got haircuts and came home. Life at that moment was good.

Then at 8:00 pm my Dad started coughing. He stopped around 8:42. This is after trying everything that we normally do to get his cough stopped and his breathing back to normal. DH got home about 8:31 and was going to call the ambulance but Dad said no. He says he wants to die. He says he doesn't want to be a burden to me any more and doesn't want to be in pain or discomfort any more. He is sleeping now, but I keep going in to check on him, not knowing what I am hoping to find.

Here I am all excited because MY unhealthy body is finally turning around and I am getting excited about smaller clothes and walking for charity. And here is my 85 year old father wanting to die so he won't be a burden and I can get on with my life.

I feel so selfish.....and sad....and helpless. I want my Dad to live but is it for me or him?

LIFE IS NOT FAIR!!!!!
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Old 05-07-2011, 01:43 AM   #585
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Originally Posted by LPBeier View Post
Life is not fair. I mean it. It is just not fair.

Today I was at the YMCA meeting with my fitness coach to set up a training program for the next four months to meet my goal of walking in the Terry Fox Run in late September. She and I get along famously and she actually accidentally booked me on a day when her kids were on a pro-d day but wanted to keep the appointment because (as she told them when they were whining about being at the Y again) "I am going to help this really courageous lady who 2 months ago came to see me with a cane and now leaves it at home and has set a great goal for herself" (I choked up at this by the way). We had a great meeting and I got Dad from his COPD class there and we went for lunch. We each talked about our successes, got haircuts and came home. Life at that moment was good.

Then at 8:00 pm my Dad started coughing. He stopped around 8:42. This is after trying everything that we normally do to get his cough stopped and his breathing back to normal. DH got home about 8:31 and was going to call the ambulance but Dad said no. He says he wants to die. He says he doesn't want to be a burden to me any more and doesn't want to be in pain or discomfort any more. He is sleeping now, but I keep going in to check on him, not knowing what I am hoping to find.

Here I am all excited because MY unhealthy body is finally turning around and I am getting excited about smaller clothes and walking for charity. And here is my 85 year old father wanting to die so he won't be a burden and I can get on with my life.

I feel so selfish.....and sad....and helpless. I want my Dad to live but is it for me or him?

LIFE IS NOT FAIR!!!!!
He knows when it's time. Nope, life isn't fair...just continue to encourage your Dad to go to his classes and if he doesn't want to...you keep going to yours. It's something you need to do for you. And if you need anything, I mean anything, you know where I am.
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Old 05-07-2011, 02:35 AM   #586
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Thanks, your Ogreness. You just did all I needed!
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Old 05-07-2011, 11:15 AM   #587
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Laurie,
right now your dad feels awful and the thought of the hospital is making him so unhappy that he thinks he wants to die. His rationale is he's doing it for you. I know been there done that myself It gets to be an awful place to be when you're down in the dumps. You can tell him how miserable you would be without him and really get him with it. We parents feel at times we are in the way when those we love are scurrying around doing for us.I know you are worried about his cough and pneumonia, just let him do what he wants. You have no idea how much anger i had being put in that hospital and spending over a month there. The constant here take this here do that lets work out and then everyone would get ready to leave and I'd wait then cry because I had to stay. He will decide what he needs he is after all your daddy,
Let him be that and enjoy your time together.
ma
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Old 05-07-2011, 01:22 PM   #588
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Originally Posted by kadesma View Post
Laurie,
right now your dad feels awful and the thought of the hospital is making him so unhappy that he thinks he wants to die. His rationale is he's doing it for you. I know been there done that myself It gets to be an awful place to be when you're down in the dumps. You can tell him how miserable you would be without him and really get him with it. We parents feel at times we are in the way when those we love are scurrying around doing for us.I know you are worried about his cough and pneumonia, just let him do what he wants. You have no idea how much anger i had being put in that hospital and spending over a month there. The constant here take this here do that lets work out and then everyone would get ready to leave and I'd wait then cry because I had to stay. He will decide what he needs he is after all your daddy,
Let him be that and enjoy your time together.
ma
I agree with Kades, too. Right now he's sick and down. You are doing everything you can, now it's up to him. But, now is a good time to get Hospice involved, let them talk to him and tell him what to expect from them and future treatments or no treatments. I've known many people who go on Hospice or come to our facility for Comfort Care and they end up going off Hospice or home. They do so much better off all the meds except those for comfort that they find themselves enjoying life.
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Old 05-07-2011, 02:03 PM   #589
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Thanks, Ladies. I do appreciate all your love and help. I re-read my original post and agree with everything you have said.

I think my "Life is not fair" was mostly directed at the fact that I am getting a new lease on life thanks to Dad's inspiration about how he is doing with his classes, and he is at the (totally understandable considering his circumstances) "giving up" stage. I wasn't complaining that he is taking me away from my workout time nor am I upset that this is his choice. I am growing stronger is so many ways through all of this. I just wish he felt better - that's why life isn't fair. But I also know that he is 85 and this is what happens.
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Old 05-07-2011, 02:15 PM   #590
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LPBeier View Post
Life is not fair. I mean it. It is just not fair.

Today I was at the YMCA meeting with my fitness coach to set up a training program for the next four months to meet my goal of walking in the Terry Fox Run in late September. She and I get along famously and she actually accidentally booked me on a day when her kids were on a pro-d day but wanted to keep the appointment because (as she told them when they were whining about being at the Y again) "I am going to help this really courageous lady who 2 months ago came to see me with a cane and now leaves it at home and has set a great goal for herself" (I choked up at this by the way). We had a great meeting and I got Dad from his COPD class there and we went for lunch. We each talked about our successes, got haircuts and came home. Life at that moment was good.

Then at 8:00 pm my Dad started coughing. He stopped around 8:42. This is after trying everything that we normally do to get his cough stopped and his breathing back to normal. DH got home about 8:31 and was going to call the ambulance but Dad said no. He says he wants to die. He says he doesn't want to be a burden to me any more and doesn't want to be in pain or discomfort any more. He is sleeping now, but I keep going in to check on him, not knowing what I am hoping to find.

Here I am all excited because MY unhealthy body is finally turning around and I am getting excited about smaller clothes and walking for charity. And here is my 85 year old father wanting to die so he won't be a burden and I can get on with my life.

I feel so selfish.....and sad....and helpless. I want my Dad to live but is it for me or him?

LIFE IS NOT FAIR!!!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrincessFiona60 View Post
He knows when it's time. Nope, life isn't fair...just continue to encourage your Dad to go to his classes and if he doesn't want to...you keep going to yours. It's something you need to do for you. And if you need anything, I mean anything, you know where I am.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kadesma View Post
Laurie,
right now your dad feels awful and the thought of the hospital is making him so unhappy that he thinks he wants to die. His rationale is he's doing it for you. I know been there done that myself It gets to be an awful place to be when you're down in the dumps. You can tell him how miserable you would be without him and really get him with it. We parents feel at times we are in the way when those we love are scurrying around doing for us.I know you are worried about his cough and pneumonia, just let him do what he wants. You have no idea how much anger i had being put in that hospital and spending over a month there. The constant here take this here do that lets work out and then everyone would get ready to leave and I'd wait then cry because I had to stay. He will decide what he needs he is after all your daddy,
Let him be that and enjoy your time together.
ma
I'm right there with you sweetie, and I know what you mean. Lots of love and hugs to you, DH, and your dad. We love you guys. All I am able to do right now is pray and try to be encouraging, but I know how much I rely on those two things from all of you, so I know it's not small potatoes. We will be gone most of the day and night, but you know where to find me most of the time.
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