Today's Funny

[Addie]

I have one drawer dedicated to just nightgowns. And when they are all clean except for the one I may be wearing, they drawer is full to the top. Nicely folded. They are my at home clothes. And I have about ten housecoats. I put one of them on if the doorbell rings. I keep one handy all the time. Clean nightgown and undies every day. I believe in comfort when I am in my own home alone. As a result, my going out clothes last a long time.

 

[taxlady]

And such a good looking cat. The glasses really look good on that cat.

 

[Katie H]

And such a good looking cat. The glasses really look good on that cat.

Love it, taxlady. The quote is great, as is the kitty. Our Bella looks almost like the kitty in the picture, except the tips of her paws looks like they've been dipped in milk or white paint. Oh, and she doesn't wear glasses...yet. She just turned 2.

 

[taxlady]

 

[chiklitmanfan]

A drunk wandering home, got lost, staggered through a cemetery and fell into a freshly dug grave hole. He clawed, scrambled, screamed but could not get out. Finally he gave up and laid down and passed out. Awhile later, another drunk stumbled along and fell into the same grave hole. Thinking the other drunk was a dead body, he began to claw, scramble and scream for someone to get him out. The first drunk, lying down, finally said "Relax, you'll NEVER get out of here." He got out.

 

[Sir_Loin_of_Beef]

Some People Just Can't Handle the Truth

My Favourite Animal​

Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favourite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favourite live animal was. I told her it was a chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, Colonel Sanders. Guess where the heck I am now...

 

[Dawgluver]

View attachment 21576

 

[Katie H]

Not a joke per se, but my goofy brain working at its normal behavior.

I've almost always slept with an extra pillow, using it between my knees to keep pressure off my aching hip. Okay, no big deal.

Last night we went to bed as usual, me with my trusty old pillow and off to dreamland. Some time during the night my pillow apparently escaped. I couldn't find it and was both too tired and too lazy to look too thoroughly. I missed my good old pillow.

This morning I created a word for the event: I was disapillowed. The word came to me because I was disappointed that my pillow disappeared.

Think the word will make it into Webster's?

 

[Addie]

Not a joke per se, but my goofy brain working at its normal behavior.

I've almost always slept with an extra pillow, using it between my knees to keep pressure off my aching hip. Okay, no big deal.

Last night we went to bed as usual, me with my trusty old pillow and off to dreamland. Some time during the night my pillow apparently escaped. I couldn't find it and was both too tired and too lazy to look too thoroughly. I missed my good old pillow.

This morning I created a word for the event: I was disapillowed. The word came to me because I was disappointed that my pillow disappeared.

Think the word will make it into Webster's?

PF is our "word of the day" expert. She has posted some humdingers. I have been disapillowed on occasion. I always have on on my side so I can throw my leg up on it when my spine starts to hurt. Then in the middle of my sleep, it causes me to be disapillowed. And I find it on the floor the next morning.

 

[PrincessFiona60]

Not a joke per se, but my goofy brain working at its normal behavior.

I've almost always slept with an extra pillow, using it between my knees to keep pressure off my aching hip. Okay, no big deal.

Last night we went to bed as usual, me with my trusty old pillow and off to dreamland. Some time during the night my pillow apparently escaped. I couldn't find it and was both too tired and too lazy to look too thoroughly. I missed my good old pillow.

This morning I created a word for the event: I was disapillowed. The word came to me because I was disappointed that my pillow disappeared.

Think the word will make it into Webster's?

I'll send the suggestion to Merriam-Webster...

 

[GotGarlic]

 

[PrincessFiona60]

LOL!!

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

 

[taxlady]

This cracked me up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIgMeyW4TEM

 

[tinlizzie]

Yes, yes. This person also needs to accompany me to the supermarket for those impulse items. ;o)

 

[PrincessFiona60]

You know how I know how cold it is in Minnesota?

Even Penguins and Polar Bears don't live there...

 

[tinlizzie]

You know how I know how cold it is in Minnesota?

Even Penguins and Polar Bears don't live there...

Here's a quote that, strictly speaking, belongs in the Quotes thread, but . . . .

"It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry." - Joe Moore

 

[PrincessFiona60]

But, it's so true!!

 

[taxlady]

Yes, it is true.

 

[creative]