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Old 06-23-2013, 09:14 AM   #4281
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Quote:
Originally Posted by purple.alien.giraffe View Post
I have a rule that I don't except kisses on the face from anything that licks itself clean.
That's not a bad rule.
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Old 06-23-2013, 10:33 AM   #4282
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Old 06-23-2013, 01:10 PM   #4283
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I've had days like this:

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Old 06-23-2013, 08:39 PM   #4284
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Old 06-23-2013, 10:29 PM   #4285
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An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through
Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper,
Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving and my best friend
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”
The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”

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Old 06-23-2013, 10:31 PM   #4286
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An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken in to.
She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
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Old 06-23-2013, 11:13 PM   #4287
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Italian Hedgehog?
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Old 06-23-2013, 11:15 PM   #4288
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Italian Hedgehog?
Awww, I want one! Beagle would love her own personal hedgehog too. Or she would eat it.
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Old 06-24-2013, 02:59 AM   #4289
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The Difference If You Marry An Aussie Girl

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.

The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Australia. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. His arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he urinates.

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Old 06-24-2013, 11:42 AM   #4290
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Kylie, that last one was so funny, I think I spit my iced tea five feet!
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