Today's Funny

[MrsLMB]

 

[CWS4322]

For some reason, I've missed this warning in the past:

 

[chopper]

for some reason, i've missed this warning in the past:

its a fact!!!

 

[Merlot]

For some reason, I've missed this warning in the past:

After my child saw this sign in the hairdresser shop he told them that his dad had that problem

 

[purple.alien.giraffe]

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but
the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade
classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions
with my students.

It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.
Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch,
stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on
them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're
welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,
takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow
stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and
I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a
symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke
grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in
amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh,
Oh!'" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the
house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing a hysterical
duck walk and groaning.

"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a
sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed
like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he
got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like
psshhheew!'" This kid has her legs spread with her little hands mimicking
water flowing away. It was too much!

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe'.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
out comes my brother.. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it
was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside
there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in
there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell
day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

Snip! I've missed you. This one is great! Going to have to make sure my sister sees it.

 

[Dawgluver]

From FB:

View attachment 15979

 

[taxlady]

From FB:

View attachment 15979

That's brilliant. Gross, but brilliant.

 

[Dawgluver]

That's brilliant. Gross, but brilliant.

My thoughts exactly! Hmm. Haven't carved a pumpkin in a while.....

 

[CWS4322]

How true:

 

[MrsLMB]

 

[Dawgluver]

Love 'em!

 

[Phocaena]

Addie:

<"I know. I went through it. Times five. Try having four teens in the house at the same time. What was I thinking having my children so close together. ">

Yep! mothers of teenagers soon find out why some animals actually EAT their young. Don't they?

 

[Kylie1969]

That is so funny

 

[Kylie1969]

How true:

I love this one too

 

[PrincessFiona60]

 

[CWS4322]

Another use for a toothbrush...

 

[PrincessFiona60]

 

[Addie]

Addie:

<"I know. I went through it. Times five. Try having four teens in the house at the same time. What was I thinking having my children so close together. ">

Yep! mothers of teenagers soon find out why some animals actually EAT their young. Don't they?

Ah yes! The urge to kill was so strong some days.

 

[Kylie1969]

Love them all

 

[PattY1]

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