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Executive Chef
Jun 24, 2005
Native New Mexican, now live in Bellingham, WA
> An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
> car has been broken into.
> She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the
> dispatcher:
> "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel,the brake pedal and
> even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An

> officer is on the way."
> A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard. He says. "She
> got in the back-seat by mistake."
> _____________________________________
> Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
> One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and
> pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of
> the bath?"
> The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
> She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or
> down?"
> The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening
> to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get

> that forgetful, knock on wood. " She then yells, "I'll come up and
> help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
> _______________________________________
> Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
> March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No,"
> the
> second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So
> am I. Let's have a beer."
> _______________________________________
> An older couple were lying in bed one night.
> The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic
> mood and wanted to talk.
> She said: "You,used to hold my hand when we were courting.
> "Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and
> tried to get back to sleep.
> A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me.
> "Mildly irritated, he reached across,gave her a peck on the cheek and

> settled down to sleep.
> Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
> Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
> "Where are you going?" she asked.
> "To get my teeth!"
> _______________________________________
> Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
> Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and
> adventures.
> Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a
> week to play cards.
> One day,they were playing cards when one looked at the other and
> said, "Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a
> long time but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and
> thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
> Her friend glared at her.
> For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
> Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
> ______________________________________
> Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
> see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
> intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
> The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing
> it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few
> more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red
> again. Again, they went right through.The woman in the passenger seat
> was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned
> that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next
> intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.

> So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know
> that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have
> killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh shoot, am I
> driving?"

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