Today's Funny

[Phaedra]

I'd make fun of a Sumo wrestler's bun to his face. I could outrun him easily!

I wouldn't because I couldn't!

 

[dragnlaw]

That's no excuse Phaedra - we could super speed motorize your wheelchair!

ps,
cute, have never seen anyone use the "spoiler" before. I always think of it days later!

 

[Phaedra]

I'll have you know that my lecci wheelchair goes fast enough as it is, when I've got him on full speed, and my big road mobility scooter goes even faster!

 

[Phaedra]

 

[Phaedra]

 

[Phaedra]

 

[Phaedra]

 

[Phaedra]

 

[dragnlaw]

 

[Phaedra]

 

[dragnlaw]

 

[Phaedra]

Brendan was completely lost in the kitchen and couldn’t even make a plate of soup for himself or boil an egg.

He’d never even done the food shopping, but always came home from work to a delicious meal cooked by his wife, Barbara.

One day, after Barbara had been sick with the flu for several days and the fridge was all but empty, Brendan realized he’d better help out, and offered to go to the supermarket.

Barbara sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.

Brendan returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags.

He had:

One bag of carrots
Two packages of celery
Three dozen eggs
Four bags of potatoes
Five raw chickens
Six boxes of noodles
and
Seven loaves of bread.

 

[Phaedra]

 

[dragnlaw]

My luck is like a bald guy
who just won a comb."​

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

 

[Phaedra]

There were two snakes talking.​

The first one said “Sidney, are we the type of snakes that wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they’re dead? Or are we the type of snakes that ambush our prey and kill them with a poisonous bite?”​

Then the second Snake says “Why do you ask?”​

The first one replies: “I just bit my lip!”​

 

[medtran49]

Just FYI, snakes are not poisonous, they are venomous. That has been drilled into my head every time he hears or reads it by my husband who kept venomous snakes in his mid to late teens, and has a partially amputated finger because he was bitten by a pygmy rattler because he got distracted for just a few seconds while in the process of feeding it. His mother put a stop to him keeping venomous snakes after that. This was LONG before there were restrictions on keeping venomous reptiles. He even had a cobra of some kind, not the snake charmer one people normally think of though.

Also, a snake's own venom will not harm it.

 

[Phaedra]

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

 

[Andy M.]