I remember going through similar stuff with my Mom's cancer, Barb. You can't second guess yourself and you can't feel guilty. Just be there for her as I know you are. Lots of love, prayers and hugs coming your way.
Old Venting Thread
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texasgirl
Master Chef
babetoo
Chef Extraordinaire
i am bored, bored bored. don't want to cook, sew or bake. don't even want to read. no clue what this is all about. very restless , maybe it is the wind and fires news
tv does not entice. dc isn't even pulling me in maybe i should just go to bed and cover my head. lol
tv does not entice. dc isn't even pulling me in maybe i should just go to bed and cover my head. lol
PieSusan
Washing Up
The nursing home that my mom is at is suppose to be one of, if not, the top nursing home in the area but I still have problems dealing with the bureacracy and the errors that I see on a regular basis. I visit my mom daily.
Barbara L
Traveling Welcome Wagon
Not sure if you meant Barb or me, but since you quoted my post I figured I'd better answer! I've been here pretty much every day. I just don't always get on until a little later, and I am working on getting some stuff done around the house, so I need to stay off of this thing even more than I have been!i was just thinking today that i had not see you in awhile, barb. where u been? hope all is well
BarbaraOh wow, I see you're in NE Ohio also. I know of what you speak! You almost have to be their every day to keep on top of things.
Barb
expatgirl
Master Chef
I go thru these periods, too..........how about a night out on the town? maybe a bed and breakfast or a hotel downtown and a nice dinner out......sometimes you just need to get away and charge up again........
expatgirl
Master Chef
hey, Barbs, I just saw the Traveling Welcome Logo above you picture..........how nice........that's what you did...........now you and Maidrite need to come to Houston in the near future......... my.hubby just told me that even though we were supposed to retire in the next year it may be another 5 due to the economy............oh , whoopie...........how thrilled I was...........like wee beasties in my pantry..........whooopie,,,,,,,Not sure if you meant Barb or me, but since you quoted my post I figured I'd better answer! I've been here pretty much every day. I just don't always get on until a little later, and I am working on getting some stuff done around the house, so I need to stay off of this thing even more than I have been!
feel fine as long as i am on the pain meds ..
but i hate being on them ..
PieSusan
Washing Up
Yes, I visit my mother everyday and this very famous home that gets lots of amazing press is the very one that I visit everyday and adds to the stress that I am under dealing with my mom who has two forms of dementia. There is no support--it is just a business and I am tired of jumping through their hoops. Had I known better, I would have placed my mom with the nuns but this place had such great reputation and is very close to home. Even at the best places, there is a lot of room for improvement. It gets so that I hate walking in the door but the doctors wouldn't let me keep my mom at home anymore. She needed more care than I could give and she kept firing the nursing aides that I had hired for her.
PSusan,
I know how frustrating nursing home can be. My husband use to service 3 of them..We put up the meds in push out cards for them and was it a pain, not the heat sealing, but dealing with the nurses and all the crap they had to put up with...It was a vicious circle. The nurses tried but all the red tape made it impossible. I wonder who sits on their fanny all day deciding what to fool with. There are so many State rules you could scream...Some I have to admit are beneficial, other down right foolish. So, we end up wanting to pull our hair out and screaming. Makes ya want to cry...And what are these rules for? Our loved ones who have to be there..And who suffers the most? Yes we do a little but our mom's and dad's take the brunt of all this busy work...All they want is comfort, respect,love and good food...Do they get it..sometimes and that's not enough.
kadesma
I know how frustrating nursing home can be. My husband use to service 3 of them..We put up the meds in push out cards for them and was it a pain, not the heat sealing, but dealing with the nurses and all the crap they had to put up with...It was a vicious circle. The nurses tried but all the red tape made it impossible. I wonder who sits on their fanny all day deciding what to fool with. There are so many State rules you could scream...Some I have to admit are beneficial, other down right foolish. So, we end up wanting to pull our hair out and screaming. Makes ya want to cry...And what are these rules for? Our loved ones who have to be there..And who suffers the most? Yes we do a little but our mom's and dad's take the brunt of all this busy work...All they want is comfort, respect,love and good food...Do they get it..sometimes and that's not enough.
kadesma
expatgirl
Master Chef
my darling sister had my Dad in a private homecare (he had dementia, too)........that Charolotte absolutely allowed you NOT to visit unless you called ahead of time.......it was a private homecare....there were two other men including him and he had enough presence of mind to emphatically say that he hated it and esp. the food....I really don't know how sedated or restrained he was when we were not there..........I questioned the grand poohbah bear about it and she had her nose so out of joint that I backed off.......shouldn't have........really, really shouldn't have......I regret it to this day......he was getting no physical therapy at all.........after he died she took everything.........I mean everything..........should have sued her but was overseas and had teens to run after and just didn't have the time..........years later her daughter bragged to one of my older cousins that her mom made a lot of $$$$.........really?????
Yikes, Debs that is sick...One day she will get what's coming to her in spades..Maybe daughter will see to it she has such special care in her old age!!! It's okay Deb, you were doing what was intended for you to do and HE will welcome you with open arms when the time comes...
kades
expatgirl
Master Chef
you know I didn't think of it that way..........my niece is very materialistic and so it might happen.........I really do hope that there is life after death.........I know that my Dad would be shocked at her..............if she has him to answer to so much the better..........as always, my dear, thanks for your support..........these webs that we weave...........
The worse thing about where my mom is are the weekends when they only have a skelton crew of teenagers on duty. My mom is in a separate wing (memory care) and these kids don't know how to handle these people when they get out of hand. My dh, dd and I take turns going on the weekend to make sure everything is being done that is supposed to be done. We always go at different times, so they never know when to expect us. It's the only way to keep on top of things. I've had run-ins with some of the aides during the week but I really have to watch because I don't want them taking it out on my mom. It's a vicious circle.
Barb
P.S. Thank you all again for your thoughts and insight.
Barb
P.S. Thank you all again for your thoughts and insight.
expatgirl
Master Chef
it's hard isn't it????
I hate to vent once again and I hope I can get the words out through the tears. This whole mess with the flood is getting ridiculous. We have fans and dehydrators all over the place and between the noise and having to step around them they are driving us all crazy. I couldn't sleep last night because of pain in my leg (my own fault for kicking a drawer closed with it out of habit) and all the noise. So I had a nap today and woke up to find that DH and the border ate my supper plans. Now that wouldn't normally bother me but my nerves are totally fried. They still may have to tear out the carpet (some or all) and we have contractors coming tomorrow to see so we can't move any furniture back in place. I have this thing about my house being in order, specially when I am stressed.
On top of that we are bombarded with fruit flies and I can't find the source and we found out on Thursday that our little dog, who badly needed a hair cut so I mistook his scratching for that, has fleas. Both our dogs get regular flea treatments and neither the vet or we can figure out why or where they would get them from. So now I have to deal with both of those situations.
On top of that, my best friend is in a tough way as her youngest (my dear sweet buddy), who has tourettes is having a bad spell and can't go to school. I am usually his secondary caregiver when the parents can't because he bonds with me so well and I have done respite care before. But we can't bring him into this turmoil as it will make him worse and I can't leave because of the contractors. So, she will have to take a day off work to be with him and he is upset because he wanted me. We figure we will take him to MacDonald's for lunch together if it works out.
Add to this that DH is studying for a very important First Aid Exam, the Border is studying for his finals and so I need to keep things as quiet and in order as possible in all this chaos.
I am sorry to always come here and write novels, but I think I am finally at my breaking point and I can't lay all this on DH right now as he has enough on his plate. He is there for me and understands, but getting this job is very important for both of us so he needs to be able to give it his all.
On top of that we are bombarded with fruit flies and I can't find the source and we found out on Thursday that our little dog, who badly needed a hair cut so I mistook his scratching for that, has fleas. Both our dogs get regular flea treatments and neither the vet or we can figure out why or where they would get them from. So now I have to deal with both of those situations.
On top of that, my best friend is in a tough way as her youngest (my dear sweet buddy), who has tourettes is having a bad spell and can't go to school. I am usually his secondary caregiver when the parents can't because he bonds with me so well and I have done respite care before. But we can't bring him into this turmoil as it will make him worse and I can't leave because of the contractors. So, she will have to take a day off work to be with him and he is upset because he wanted me. We figure we will take him to MacDonald's for lunch together if it works out.
Add to this that DH is studying for a very important First Aid Exam, the Border is studying for his finals and so I need to keep things as quiet and in order as possible in all this chaos.
I am sorry to always come here and write novels, but I think I am finally at my breaking point and I can't lay all this on DH right now as he has enough on his plate. He is there for me and understands, but getting this job is very important for both of us so he needs to be able to give it his all.
Laurie,
relax and you are married to an adult not a child..He has to study and learn just like you and I..You cannot always provide the ideal study conditions for him, he needs to do that for himself..As to the mess, you have to cope TOGETHER not you doing it all..TOGETHER..Your border the same goes for him..Yes they have to study, but you are not responsible for their ease and comfort, just to be as helpful as you can but they need to work things themselves..We marry and we either share or it will blow up in our faces..So do what you can and let the big boys do the same...Do you realize you put strain on him if he thinks you are taking on to much? Then how can he sit and study with out guilt? So, do what you can comfortably then retire and relax..As to your friend she is a lucky woman to have your friendship, but, the same goes for her..This is her child and I know that sounds hard, but it's truth and she has to deal with the biggest part of it right now..Were you up to snuff then you could give her more help..Right now you cannot so please don't let guilt make things harder for all of you at home..
Give dh a big hug and get out of his hair. He is a man and he is bright he will get this done and you will all be better in the end.
kades
relax and you are married to an adult not a child..He has to study and learn just like you and I..You cannot always provide the ideal study conditions for him, he needs to do that for himself..As to the mess, you have to cope TOGETHER not you doing it all..TOGETHER..Your border the same goes for him..Yes they have to study, but you are not responsible for their ease and comfort, just to be as helpful as you can but they need to work things themselves..We marry and we either share or it will blow up in our faces..So do what you can and let the big boys do the same...Do you realize you put strain on him if he thinks you are taking on to much? Then how can he sit and study with out guilt? So, do what you can comfortably then retire and relax..As to your friend she is a lucky woman to have your friendship, but, the same goes for her..This is her child and I know that sounds hard, but it's truth and she has to deal with the biggest part of it right now..Were you up to snuff then you could give her more help..Right now you cannot so please don't let guilt make things harder for all of you at home..
Give dh a big hug and get out of his hair. He is a man and he is bright he will get this done and you will all be better in the end.
kades
Thanks, kades. I am crying even more now. I needed that "talking to" and I needed it from you. I think the biggest thing is that I am just tired of having to deal with everything through pain and lack of sleep. If I was my normal self this wouldn't get to me so bad. Also, it is hard throwing out memories as I go through the damaged boxes. But I feel that TGL allowed this to happen so we would let go of a lot of things and "get our house in order". Thankfully it did happen while DH is unemployed because I wouldn't have been able to handle it all on my own.
Thanks, again friend.
Thanks, again friend.
Sweetie, you shouldn't have to handle it alone..You have a best friend and a dear husband who will run to your side..He loves you so to help you is his gift to your love...I understand the lack of sleep and the pain so I can tell you, it's okay and I also understand how it hurts to lose things you treasure..But HE will provide if you let HIM..Just remember you don't have to handle this on your own, you two will pull together as a team.Get some rest so the pain will lessen and STOP kicking things with your foot..Geez girl, do I have to come sit on ya?
It will get better and just lean on us here, cry to us, vent to us..that is why we are here..Hugs to both of youkades
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