Raccoon Recipes Wanted

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larry_stewart

Master Chef
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I'll start off by saying this is going to be a bizarre, sarcastic thread. After reading it you will likely think I am stranger and have a more warped sense of humor than you may already think, but here it goes. ( feel free to skip to the last paragraph if you dont want to waste 5 minutes of your life reading something stupid).

Some of you know I have chickens ( for their eggs, even though my wife is vegan, I really dont like eggs ( although Ill use them for baking) and my two kids, who do eat eggs, dont live at home anymore).

Yesterday, when I went to feed the chickens, I noticed only one came out of the coop into the run, which is unusal and I feared the worst. Understand that a few weeks ago, A raccoon broke into the coop and killed 3 chickens. I thought I figured out how it got in and therefore, thought I fixed it. Anyway, I open the door and sure enough, it was a crime scene . Three half eaten carcasses and feathers were scattered all over the coop. Only one chicken survived .

I didn't see the raccoon attack the first three, but due to past experiences , I assumed it was the work of a raccoon. And today, The scene fit the work of a raccoon. I checked again and just could not see any openings big enough for a raccoon to get in. There are a few small rat holes from the past, but we haven't had a rodent issue in years , since we have 5 outdoor ferrel cats roaming the yard, and this damage was beyond what a rodent can and would do. Needless to say I was angry and upset. I cleaned the coop, buried the dead birds, and set up a motion video cam in the coop to figure out what was going on.

Fast forward to tonight. I was periodically checking the cam ( when I got notice of motion and just regularly checking it, as now Im paranoid). At 10:11pm I see a raccoon in the coop. Wearing only a T shirt and boxer shorts, I ran to the door, slipped on my waterproof Goat Garden shoes ( Female garden shoes that I got in my size cause I liked them and they are comfortable). I ran out the door with my phone in hand. Grabbed a baseball bat, turned the light on my phone on , and darted toward the coop. I banged on the door, opened the door, and and saw the chicken unharmed , but freaking out and the raccoon look at me with an " Oh S#$T look on his ( or her) face. Then it squeezed through the opening on a cinder block that I had blocking the opening from the coop into its run. The3 raccoon wasn't fast enough , so with its Butt sticking our of the cinder block, I gave it a swift kick in the Behind ( Which I must admit was gratifying). While holding the chicken and phone, I blocked up the opening so the raccoon wouldn't come back in, I locked up the coop grabbed a long pic pipe that was laying around and began poking the raccoon until I saw how it escaped ( got in). I then continued to barricade the opening into the coop , placed the chicken in there safely and locked it up. While all this was going on, my wife was watching the live feed on her phone.

Anyway, this is where it kinda gets strange ( as if the story so far is normal :LOL:) . As a joke, one of my chickens , was also killed by a raccoon years ago and was our favorite chickens, after passing, we refer to our patio/ grill area as a restaurant , and named it after her. I made wine, and the wine bottle labels have her logo on it, and we are even in the process of making menus ( her log oof course) along with some of our favorite dishes. One again, this is a warped sense of humor joke, not a real restaurant, just something stupid we do as a family because we are strange.

With all this said, I want to put an authentic . raccoon themed dish on the menu.
Clearly I will veganize it, but. Want the name and recipe to be Raccoon. And yes, for all of you that dont know me already, Im a vegetarian, which makes this even more bizarre.

So, for all of you that skipped the story and came straight to the bottom, Im looking for an authentic recipe that features raccoon. Something that you either have eaten or would eat.

And just incase any of you are curious, I have no plans on catching and eating the raccoon ( although I should give up being a vegetarian for a day and eat him). just a bizarre family doing something stupid.
 
I think that's a pretty fun idea Larry. Also, I understand why you pare p.o.ed at raccoons. I'm sorry I don't have any recipes that include raccoon.
 
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"Fast forward to tonight. I was periodically checking the cam ( when I got notice of motion and just regularly checking it, as now Im paranoid). At 10:11pm I see a raccoon in the coop. Wearing only a T shirt and boxer shorts."

The first time I read this (before my first cup of coffee), I thought you were saying the raccoon was wearing a T shirt and boxer shorts. That really threw me off for the rest of the story. lol

Larry, also something to think about -

Are raccoons good to eat?

Safety Concerns for Raccoon Meat. Technically the answer would have to be yes. ... It is highly recommended that you never consume urban dwelling raccoon. But perhaps the foremost reason that raccoon are not eaten like they once were may be a fear of rabies.Sep 4, 2015
 
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Larry, I would have paid good money to see that on video.

By now, there may be a "Beyond Racoon" product on the grocery shelves. Maybe there are some recipes on the package... :yum:
 
"Fast forward to tonight. I was periodically checking the cam ( when I got notice of motion and just regularly checking it, as now Im paranoid). At 10:11pm I see a raccoon in the coop. Wearing only a T shirt and boxer shorts."

The first time I read this (before my first cup of coffee), I thought you were saying the raccoon was wearing a T shirt and boxer shorts. That really threw me off for the rest of the story. lol

...

:LOL: Same here.
 
Now if the Raccoon was wearing a T-shirt and Boxers, I would have given it an " A " for effort, kinda like the Wolf that dresses up as a sheep in the cartoons.

Larry, I would have paid good money to see that on video.

By now, there may be a "Beyond Racoon" product on the grocery shelves. Maybe there are some recipes on the package... :yum:

I actually do have some Video footage, not great, but knowing the back story its kinda fun to watch. Problem is these videos are on timed intervals, so they dont always capture the whole event. I really wish it captured me Kicking it in the A$$.

And the " Beyond Raccoon": Product is brilliant. That had me laughing.
 
I watched an episode of "Bizarre Foods" and this woman butchered a racoon. She cut out a gland stating that if it wasn't removed properly the meat would be ruined and inedible.
 

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