In Remembrance of Our Dear Friend Buck

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I haven't posted here at all, because I feel like a lurker and that I am intruding on a family in their time of grief. I have read all the posts and cried along side of you all. Katie, you have my deepest sympathies. I just finished a book that might comfort you, it's called 90 minutes in heaven, by don piper. I wish you the best.
 
krichardson, at 80 posts you are NOT a lurker....post what you feel.......it's always appreciated whether people respond back or not.........Buck had a huge presence around here and even I who has been here for about 3 years didn't know the extent of it......he was a wonderful, wonderful and funny man.........I miss him kicking a.... on guess what this is a photo of 'cause I know that mastodon sculpture would have been history had he been here............
 
:(
Katie E said:
Thanks, bucky. I needed to see your post. I was doing pretty well until darkness closed in on me on the porch. I so enjoyed listening to the night sounds with Buck when we sat out on the porch in the evening. Now it seems so solitary. Even the outside kittens seem different.

This is my first "real" night by myself and I'm not handling it very well. I want my Buck back.
Click to expand...


oh katie, i know how it feels. everything is as in fog. i have been saving the following for when you were really alone. this perfectly summed up my relationship with my husband before he died what i do know of you and buck makes me feel it describes you two as well.


"He would walk
Into my mind as if it were a town and he a torchlight procession of one, lighting up the streets. "

you will miss him and long for him for the rest of your life. the pain will become almost bearable after a time. it has been twelve years for me and i still think of him, everyday. i just try to remember good things. hope you can do that as well.

with love and understanding,
babe
 
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I have not been on since this happened--my computer has been busted for a month. I was shocked to see this post! It broke my heart. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. Everyone has said such nice things that I don't have much to add, but I wanted to wish you well. I know you'll see Buck again. I know it. May your heart be at peace until that day comes!
 
Aww, Katie. My heart just aches for you!! I just don't know what to say other than you are on my mind quite often these days and I really do wish I lived closer to you!!{{{{{hugs}}}}}
 
Pook said:
I am still grieving over your loss, Katie.

I lost the love of my life when I was 38. Being a widow at any age is heartbreaking, terrifying, lost, and just gut-wrentching beyond words.
I delivered a sort of letter at my love's funeral.
Here it is as I spoke it:

My dear Terry, (substitute Buck if you will)
I stand beside you now as I did when we were joined as husband and wife. The years you gave were the happiest years of my life.
You gave me love, you gave me strength, you gave me support and the things only you could give.
I promise you I will carry on your memory and try to be the person you thought I am. I promise I will carry on from where you left off, and I will carry the love we shared forever.
You are the oasis in the desert, you are my strength, and from this moment on, I will carry on, for us both
Thank you for being in my life, and thank you for choosing me to be in your life. Thank you for being you, and thank you for loving me.
At that point, I did break down and said,
Thank you Terry. I love you and I always will.

I am so very, very sorry, Katie. I am terribly sorry for your loss. If there is ever anything I can do for you, PM me, please.
God bless you, honey. We all love and care for you.
Joyce
Click to expand...

:cry: that is beautiful Joyce!
 
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Katie,
when my dad passed, one of the hardest things for me was to go out and get the hummingbird feeder to change the feed. You see dad did this everyother day..I tried to avoid the patio but finally I had to do it...I could feel the tears coming as I took the feeder down and I think I cried enough to wash it as I mixed the food put it in and then had to go hang it..Well, out I went reached up to put it on the hook and a sweet little hummer was right there clicking making that humming sound, he hovered over my hand then darted back til I finished,landed and drank and drank..I still think to this day my dad sent him.
So enjoy your porch, sit very still, Buck is right there with you and I firmly believe that slight breeze that brushes you cheek and hair is his way of letting you know you are and will always be first in his heart.
kadesma
 
We're here Katie.
We're thinking of you, even if we haven't written so.
I hope you've taken these couple of days to catch your breath and work your head clear alittle.
If you need or want company, just sign in.
Any of us will listen.
Good night, dear lady.
​
 
Thank you for the kind words, quicksilver. The last several days have been difficult because all the children have gone home and I've been here alone. The weekend was especially difficult. It was the first one since Buck got sick that I've had to be by myself.

I've kept myself occupied by doing "busy" work and making necessary phone calls. I've been fighting with OPM (Office of Personnel Management) trying to get information on his life insurance. Surprisingly, my exchanges with the Social Security Administration have been fairly productive.

The medical bills started coming in the mail yesterday. Whoa! Just the ones from the doctors so far. I can't imagine what the ones from the plane company that transported him to Nashville and St. Thomas Hospital are going to be.

Haven't been sleeping much and, as some have suggested, I want to try taking some melatonin, but I can't find it in my little town. I'll look on the 9th when I go to the big city to do my shopping.

I've lost my interest in cooking. Just seems no point in it since Buck's not here. He loved the meals I cooked for him and it was always a pleasure to prepare a nice meal for him. I do eat three meals a day, but just something to fill the hole. No fun eating either.

The city planted Buck's white crepe myrtle yesterday and I drove by the city park to see it. They planted it near the little chapel and it looks nice. They'll place a bronze plaque by it soon.

Guess I've rambled on, so I'd better get a move on and get downstairs and feed my inside and outside furbabies.
 
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Words would seem so trite to try to respond to your grief Katie.
I hope with all my heart that a time will come when you will feel able to cook a special meal just as you did for Buck and take it out on the back porch to eat it, knowing that he is so very close to you.
I salute your courage and bravery.
 
When my dad died, my mom felt the same way about cooking, even though she's an awful cook. She used to cook and shop daily to keep my dad from eating stuff that wasn't good for him and because he really appreciated it. Plus there was the pleasure of sharing a meal together. Now, she just eats because you need it to stay alive. Mostly raw fruits, salads, cheeses that sort of thing. (She's a vegetarian.)

I don't mean it to sound like she is still completely miserable almost 4 years later. She's not. But as far as cooking, she still feels that it's just not worth it to cook without Dad to cook with and for.

I would imagine the cooking thing is even harder for you since it seemed to me that cooking together and for each other was almost part of your romance with each other. Ya'll made each meal, each special occasion, each bake day seem like such a special way to express your love for life and each other. I know I'll miss those posts about your suppers.

Love you, Katie.
T
 
Katie.... not sure what to say that has not already been said, but I share the same sentiments as others and know that we think about you and lift you up in prayer.
 
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