I, too, somewhere along the line learned it was wrong to tip the owner. But there's a big difference between, say, the owners of a restaurant, and the barber/hairdresser. I wouldn't dream of tipping the guy who owns the restaurant if he happens by. On the other hand, the gal who cuts my hair owns the place, and I always tip her. Perhaps it is because it is a no middle-man situation. The restaurant owners I know are either quite well off, or at least want to give that impression. They actually "tip" me, truth be told; with occaisional free rounds of drinks and meals.
I also don't believe the server should be penalized for anything besides poor service. If the food is bad, through no fault of the server, or the server is obviously overworked because the management doesn't want to pay for more employees, then you should not return or complain to management, not stiff the server.
One time we were taking my parents for a lovely brunch at a very nice, pricey place we'd been before. Our service was absolutely appalling in the first 20 or 30 minutes. We finally got a waiter and a bus-boy to serve us. It was the funniest thing. Now, I have to tell you, our waiter was seen screwing off; smoking cigarettes out back, flirting with the waitresses and some wealthy-looking young ladies among his tables. We wound up having excellent service (good sign of an excellent restaurant) because other employees worked extra to make sure we were taken care of.
Husband was wonderful. Rather than leaving the tip on the table or putting it on the tab/credit card, he took out cash, then got up and sought out the bus boy and waiter who had actually given us service, and put the cash in their hands.