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Old 06-16-2009, 05:58 PM   #1
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Grief counseling

Has anyone ever had grief counseling? How can telling a complete stranger what you are going through, help? What can they say that you haven't hear from your family and friends? Do they tell you to take pill? ( That is something that I will not do ). The saying that time will heal all wounds isn't working.

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Old 06-16-2009, 06:03 PM   #2
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JoAnn, a counsellor will help you move through the stages of grieving so you don't get too "stuck" in any one place. But really it all depends on the individual. Most who grieve find that a support network is better. Something like a group who have similar experiences to share. Often the burden doesn't seem quite as heavy when we know others carry the same load. And often in helping others we help ourselves too.

And there is no shame in taking any kind of medication you might need. There are actual chemical changes in your body and brain when you are dealing with emotional crisis. Sometimes taking a pill will help your body ease out of some kind of rut it is in. Does that make sense? You wouldn't hesitate to take a painkiller if you needed it would you? Its much the same thing.

Hugs JoAnn, I'm sorry you are hurting and I hope you find the solace you need.
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Old 06-16-2009, 06:08 PM   #3
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Joanne,

I have never had "grief therapy" but I have had to go to therapy to deal with my health issues the last few years. First of all, you always have the right to say no to medication. You don't have to take it if you don't want to. And I think that if time was going to heal what your going thru, then it would've, or at least you think so. I guess what a therapist can do is give you a new perspective on what's going on in your life. Maybe something that you can't see due to the fact that you are in such grief. And the people in your life may not want to be so straightforward with you, thinking it may hurt you. It never hurts to try. And remember they work for you, if you are not comfortable with one, don't give up. Find someone else. There is help if you need it. Good luck to you.

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Old 06-16-2009, 08:04 PM   #4
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Hi Joanne,
I have never gone to grief counseling, but one of my best friends has. She went for quite a while. Her mother was murdered by her step father. She was never asked to take any pills.
Like Alix said, it will help you move through the stages of your grief. It took her a while and I know it wasn't easy. I made quite a few 1 hour drives in the wee hours of night when the counselors weren't available just to sit and listen to what she was feeling. You have to get the feelings out to someone. It will help. All the best to you and let us know how your doing.
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Old 06-16-2009, 08:48 PM   #5
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when i witnessed my husbands murder, i needed plenty of counseling. it help just to have someone sort it out for you. also they will let us see the death as not our fault. guilt was my biggest hang up, as it was my ex husband that did the deed. go, get what you can out of it. give it time, sometimes it just helps to be with others who are going through grief as well.
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Old 06-16-2009, 09:33 PM   #6
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I can't thank you wonderful members of DC enough. You have opened your hearts up to me. I still don't know what I am going to do. I have to try and hold myself together for my grandson Josh. He has lost his daddy, he doesn't need to see me like this. I should ask around and see what kind of support groups there are here. I am not doing to good on my own. Thank you so much for caring about me. JoAnn
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Old 06-16-2009, 10:36 PM   #7
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Let me chime in here. Most of you know what I've been through during this last year. I have not gone though any grief counseling but I have had an amazing network of friends and family who have had similar experiences. They have been very supportive and continue to be. DC has been a primary source of my support and I can't tell everyone how blessed and thankful I am to have you all.

When it comes to medication, it can be a big help. In the initial days after Buck's death, I had no idea how I was going to cope and spoke to my family physician. He prescribed a mild anti-depressant, for a short time, which helped immensely to get me through the worst days. As a matter of fact I was prescribed some sleeping medication because I was having a terrible time sleeping. A year later, I still have most of the bottle of medication on my bedside table.

Take help where it's offered and prescribed. It's not a permanent thing. You will need help to get through the rough spots. There's no shame in that.

Best wishes to you and love and strength is sent to help you get to the end of your journey.
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Old 06-17-2009, 03:26 AM   #8
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Let me chime in here. Most of you know what I've been through during this last year. I have not gone though any grief counseling but I have had an amazing network of friends and family who have had similar experiences. They have been very supportive and continue to be. DC has been a primary source of my support and I can't tell everyone how blessed and thankful I am to have you all.

When it comes to medication, it can be a big help. In the initial days after Buck's death, I had no idea how I was going to cope and spoke to my family physician. He prescribed a mild anti-depressant, for a short time, which helped immensely to get me through the worst days. As a matter of fact I was prescribed some sleeping medication because I was having a terrible time sleeping. A year later, I still have most of the bottle of medication on my bedside table.

Take help where it's offered and prescribed. It's not a permanent thing. You will need help to get through the rough spots. There's no shame in that.

Best wishes to you and love and strength is sent to help you get to the end of your journey.
Your right Katie! Sometimes meds are helpful and get you through those ruff patches. After all we are only human. I suffer from depression and am still trying to find a med that will help me, so far I'm allergic to them all. My only help right now is the support of my DH and friends.

JoAnne, you may try your church for help. They may be able to arrange counseling for you. Or ask your doctor and if your concerned with taking meds let him know so he will give you other options, like counseling.
I wish you all the best and remember we are all here for you.
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Old 06-17-2009, 11:38 AM   #9
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Sometimes an objective person looking at your situation will be able to identify what is happening when family and friends can't. I know after my mother died, I felt my life was so out of control that I became tyrannical in trying to control those around me which affected my work and my family. None of those close to me could identify why I was acting the way I did. It took going to a counselor for her to point out to me how my grief was affecting my behavior. From that I could see things more clearly and able to work through some of those feelings of loss and pain with her and was able to repair my family relationships. Please don't hesitate to talk with a professional. Find one you're comfortable with.
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Old 06-21-2009, 04:46 AM   #10
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Thank God, I have needed neither; the counseling nor the meds. That said, sometimes it is actually easier to talk to relative strangers about things, about not having to "hold it together" for your grandson or anyone else. With the people you don't know, you'd be surprised how helpful it might be to scream at the wall, weep, and rail on about how unfair it all is. I don't know how long it has been for you, but bear in mind that you're supposed to feel sad. Unless the depression has gone on for years, don't feel like you should "get over it".
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Old 06-23-2009, 06:50 AM   #11
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JoAnn L, I am sorry to hear about your grief. Dealing with something like that can be very difficult, you need support from friends and family, and do not be shy to ask them if you feel overwhelmed. Counseling can help as they help you see the situation in a totally different light that sometimes we don't as we are grieving and cannot seem to find other ways to get through our grief. We all sometimes find it difficult to telll our family how we really feel, mainly to protect them, but with a counselor, one can open up because there is no that need of protecting themm from how you really feel. Sometimes medication can be prescribed, especially for sleep if you are not getting enough sleep or if to help you not slip into depression. I hope you find peace JoAnn L.
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Old 06-23-2009, 08:42 AM   #12
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JoAnn L, I am sorry to hear about your grief. Dealing with something like that can be very difficult, you need support from friends and family, and do not be shy to ask them if you feel overwhelmed. Counseling can help as they help you see the situation in a totally different light that sometimes we don't as we are grieving and cannot seem to find other ways to get through our grief. We all sometimes find it difficult to telll our family how we really feel, mainly to protect them, but with a counselor, one can open up because there is no that need of protecting themm from how you really feel. Sometimes medication can be prescribed, especially for sleep if you are not getting enough sleep or if to help you not slip into depression. I hope you find peace JoAnn L.
Thank you so much. I have so many questions (between me and God) and so much anger to deal with. Hopefully, someday day I will find peace. Thanks again. JoAnn
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Old 06-23-2009, 12:27 PM   #13
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three weeks ago I was so far down I could barely walk. I didn't know that grief and depression could do that. I would cry in public or anyplace I happened to be.My Dr. changed my depression meds because Cymbalta was causing leg cramps. He switched me to Prestic. I didn't know he started me on the lowest dose. It took me so far down that I just sat in my chair and cried constantly. After the change in meds I had a 4 week appointment. It took two weeks to get me to the point I was at. I saw him again in two weeks and sat in his office and cried. He changed my Prestic to a higher dose and in 3 days I was so much better. Please don't be afraid to take something that will help you get through a rough time. My son Kevin is still in the anger stage and just can't move on. It has been since Oct.2006 since we lost his Dad and Nov.2007 his brother. He will not take anti Depression meds...neither one of us has gone to Grief counseling ...I don't need to sit and cry with everyone else...
This was hard to write..I hope y'all can understand it.
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Old 06-23-2009, 01:01 PM   #14
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JoAnn
three weeks ago I was so far down I could barely walk. I didn't know that grief and depression could do that. I would cry in public or anyplace I happened to be.My Dr. changed my depression meds because Cymbalta was causing leg cramps. He switched me to Prestic. I didn't know he started me on the lowest dose. It took me so far down that I just sat in my chair and cried constantly. After the change in meds I had a 4 week appointment. It took two weeks to get me to the point I was at. I saw him again in two weeks and sat in his office and cried. He changed my Prestic to a higher dose and in 3 days I was so much better. Please don't be afraid to take something that will help you get through a rough time. My son Kevin is still in the anger stage and just can't move on. It has been since Oct.2006 since we lost his Dad and Nov.2007 his brother. He will not take anti Depression meds...neither one of us has gone to Grief counseling ...I don't need to sit and cry with everyone else...
This was hard to write..I hope y'all can understand it.
Marge
Thank you Marge, I think about you all the time. I just can't think of the right words to say to you right now. God Bless you and your family. JoAnn
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Old 06-23-2009, 03:10 PM   #15
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Having been a counselor, and received counseling, I can tell you, Joanne, that most of us have need of professional help at some time or other in our lives, and there is NO shame in getting the help you need.

It could be a group of mothers who have lost sons, or it could be a psychologist or a minister who has been trained in grief counseling. No one will be telling you what you "should" do, they will just help you gain a different insight or perspective, and be a shoulder to lean on.

It's not going to be forever, just to help you pull through.

Men seem to have far more trouble getting help in situations like this, and that's too bad, because some of them suffer forever because they think counseling is for "women and sissies!"

Sending you lots of good thoughts and hugs...
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Old 06-23-2009, 03:17 PM   #16
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...neither one of us has gone to Grief counseling ...I don't need to sit and cry with everyone else...
This was hard to write..I hope y'all can understand it.
Marge
Oh Marge! That is not what grief counseling is about at all! I so wish you and Kevin would get some help. There are not words that I can write to explain how much better you will feel afterwards.

My very closest friend's mom died 24 years ago. He and his brothers were all devastated, and did not function well for quite some months. Finally my friend (a college professor) walked into the office of a colleague of his who taught Psychology. This colleague was able to guide him out of his deep depression and back to productivity in just a couple of months. On the other hand, one of his brothers, who completely poo-pooed the idea of talking to someone, all these years later, is still filled with rage and anger over his mom's death. It has changed him completely, from a sociable and friendly person to a very hostile person who looks for the worst in everyone. It is so sad to see.
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Old 06-23-2009, 04:34 PM   #17
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It has changed him completely, from a sociable and friendly person to a very hostile person who looks for the worst in everyone. It is so sad to see.
===============================
I see this in Kevin now.
We have had his 17 yr. ol cat in the Pet hospital..she came home today. He should let her go but I can't tell him that. He is so devastated over this on top of everything else. She now needs Hormone Therapy @ $80.00 per week for at least 3 weeks. (Fatal Renal Disease..Kidneys) Kevin has disabilites so he is on SSI/S/S (s/s from his dad. So I guess it is up to me....
He said "this reminds me of being John's caregiver and this is the same medicine they gave Tim (Johns son) to prepare him for the bone marrow transplant.
I'm sorry, I guess I have strayed off of the subject.
Marge
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