Santa Claus
North Pole, Earth
Dear Santa,
I have been a good boy. It really wasn't my fault what happened at Robert's Office party. It was Ernie who spiked the punch with too much Grenadine. I can't help it if I drank 9 glasses. It was
so good---smelled and tasted just like Cabbage.
I thought it was funny when I put Robert's panty hose on my head and danced the Fruge on the Coffee Table while singing `Boston's Foreplay/Longtime'. I didn't mean to break Robert's iPod and don't know why Robert would accuse me of Putting Ketchup in the Lobster Bisque.
I don't remember calling Ernie's wife a Mangy Jackelope---even though she looked like one with Chartruse eye shadow and Camoflauge lipstick!
And when I threw up on Kelly's husband's Hair, it was only because I ate too much of that Fish.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Bicycle through my neighbor's Chimney. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a Pregnant Hog and have me arrested for Putting Broccoli in the Cranberry Sauce!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all tired and hungover. And I'm really not to blame for any of this party stuff.
Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and Quickly yours,
Raven (Really a nice boy!)
P.S. It's only 12 bucks!
~ Raven ~