Once upon a time, many years ago, I was dating three men. Two romantically, one platonically. One day I woke up and realized that I had my priorities really messed up. One man only ate steak, burgers, bakes and fries. Oh, dear oh me. Another was young (only a year or two younger than I, but in terms of life experience, a generation) and had so much emotional baggage that I was feeling like I needed a shrink after a weekend with him. I simply woke up one day and smelled the coffee, as Ann used to say. Who was showing up when I had a problem? Who took me to the fun places? Who had friends I liked? Who WANTED to meet my family? It became a real "duh" thing, and I dumped my romantic dates and married my platonic friend.
One day I was at work (after marriage), and a female coworker asked me how I managed to "find" the perfect man for me. I came up with a list:
-No illegal drugs. Ever. Period. Never. Been there, done that, don't even want a Tshirt.
-NO lies. I suspect I'd probably forgive one, but he's never given me reason to. Not even "oh I was stuck in traffic" when he was really out with the boys. Maybe because as far as I'm concerned he can go out with the boys, but in fact, he couldn't care less about that. Trust, Trust, Trust.
-Common Interests. This matters so much, and is, at the root of it, a cause of a lot of problems. Opposites DO attract, but they don't necessarily live together in any semblance of harmony for long. There was so much we loved to do together, and even when it comes to tastes in, say TV programs, we're on a common chord. Eventually, if you don't like the same things, you'll find someone who DOES like the same things as you, and trouble is sure to follow. I've been asked many times on this and the previous food forum, and firmly believe ... remember ... you'll be with this person for at least 2 meals a day for the rest of eternity.
-A common moral background. Several have mentioned religion, and that is definitely one aspect of it. In our case, we're both "devout non-practicing Catholics", and while we don't always agree on subjects of faith, we're starting and finishing at the same place. If religion is important to you, you bet your fanny it better be important to the man in your life, or it isn't going to be happy. But it isn't strictly religion. I've known many athiests who were far more honest than some holier-than-though "christians". Make sure you believe in the same things, at the core, in your heart, where it counts.
The coworker who asked me this question responded that I sure as aitch-e-double-hockey-sticks must think a lot of myself if I required that of a man (she honestly did not believe there was such a thing as an honest man!) ... was I ready to be single the rest of my life? I simply said, yes, I do think a lot of myself, and you should too. And I was ready to be single the rest of my life (I've been married 20+ years), because, since I like me, it isn't a punishment. Ironically, my husband felt the same way. We were perfectly happy in our own lives and homes, and simply happier together.