CWS, there are two ways of transferring a patient. The first one takes two people. You each place your arm all the way together under hers up by her arm pits and lift her. That method is great when trying to lift her up on her pillow or in a chair if she is slipping down a bit. The second is to have her put both her arms around your neck and have her clasp her hands together. That way you can lift her to her feet easily by her waist. If your father is available at the time, he should be helping with the lifting. If he is able. Or willing.
I can understand his reluctance in helping with the caring of his wife if he is showing it. It is hard on you to see your mother in this condition and with this hideous disease. Imagine what it is like for him to see his wife that he has cared for all these years. He would rather remember her like she was ten years ago. Or the day he married her.
About fifteen years ago after receiving numerous complaints about the care given to patients in nursing home, the State (Massachusetts) decided it was time to do something about it. No more can you tie a patient in a chair to just sit all day. You have to allow them to use the bathroom if they can walk. Even if an attendant has to stay there with them. Nor can you leave them in their bed for the day. And no more diapers. Any patient who can walk should have a walker available to them. And for those who can't walk, then they should have a wheel chair and be able to go by themselves to any area that is safe for them and where an attendant is available to keep an eye on them. If there is a danger of a patient falling, there has to be an electronic pad on the seat that beeps and it notifies an attendant that the patient is standing. At Winthrop where I get my medical care, they have stickers that they place on the back of the patient that is very visible to all. It is shaped like a BAM sign, bright yellow and in big red letters on it, says DANGER!. Many times I have been walking by and see a patient standing that shouldn't be. Her chair alarm is working, but the attendants are not near enough to get to the patient fast enough. I don't push them down in their chair, That's not my job. But I will stand close by until the attendant can reach them. I will pick up stuff that they have dropped. You don't want them bending down. Today, our nursing homes face unexpected visits from the Dept. of Health. And they will close you down in a heartbeat if your facility is not up to snuff. You have ten days to make any correction for minor infractions of a condition that they have found deficient. Major deficiencies get you closed.
Check into the laws covering nursing homes. Just in case you find that you simply cannot take care of her anymore. You don't know what the future holds. Arm yourself with all the knowledge you can gather for the "just in case" scenario. And if you never have to use it, I will be the first one to let you know how happy I am for you and your mother.
Danged thing bit the back of my hand, right along a "seam line". Probably should have taken a trip to the ER for a couple of stitches, but I'm hoping the butterfly bandage and the three band-aid strips get it under control. Heading to shower soon, so I'll encase my hand in a food service glove and strap it down at my wrist with one of those velcro strips they use to bind up romaine lettuce. Wish me luck! 
It's a straight cut made by a jagged edge. 
