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Old 03-16-2006, 03:24 PM   #1
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Need a prayer or hug

Well,
last week, I had an awful time. As many of you know, my mom has been diagnosed with dementia, due to heart problems that will cause blockages in the brain. At first it was just the repeated asking of the same question. But it has now progressed to where she alternates between anger and crying. The decision to put her on meds to see if they will improve memory was for me to decide and I was waffeling about it. But, last week she was so aggresive wanting to argue with me, I let it get the best of me and argued back..When, I yelled at her Cade and Ethan both started to cry and the decision was made. I cannot have that ever happen again, so we start the meds today..I'm scared silly as there are side effects, but I have to do something..Dh has been after me and after me to put her in a home..I can't and won't right now..I took care of his mom for 6 years after her stroke,refusing to let his brothers and uncle put her away..Had we done that, she would not have lived for 6 more years.. To top that off the lady did not like me, but, she was Dh's mom..So I did what needed to be done and I'm glad I did. So on top of mom, dh is in the mix now..For now, mom stays and I have to be strong and stand my ground..So, some hugs and a prayer or two from any of you who want to give me one, will help me so much..Thanks for listening..I hate dropping this on you, but I knew you all would listen..
kadesma

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Old 03-16-2006, 03:38 PM   #2
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(((Kadesma))))You have all the prayers I can offer for lots of love and strength during this difficult time.I am one of 4 being #3 in the bunch and we just had to put my Mom in a nursing home permanently.My Mom is also only 73 years old but, due to MANY medical issues and her not helping herself at all.It was a tough decision but, in the long run I think we're all sleeping better at night.God Bless you for taking care of your Mom - You are certainly a stronger person than I.Love and energy, Vicki
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Old 03-16-2006, 03:39 PM   #3
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You have certainly got my prayers. It's a very difficult situation for you. I've been through it with my mom as well. Dementia is weird. I really didnt think my mom was demented, just angry and mouthy as you said. Unfortunately there can be side affects from medication, but you have to weigh what is best for her to keep her comfortable. Sometimes a hospice is good, but I think its always best for our loved ones to be in the care of family if possible. Prayers sent to you and yours.
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Old 03-16-2006, 03:41 PM   #4
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Kadesma that is really tragic. Im sorry you had to go thru that with his mom but youre a really good person for doing it. You did the most honerable thing for her. And you are going to do it for YOUR mom too. Youre doing the right thing (I did the same for my mother too).
Maybe your husband was so hurt before that it is very difficult for him to live through that again. Like he going thru the pain with HIS mom all over again. BUT.... his choice should be YOUR choice.

Here is a BIG hug.
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Old 03-16-2006, 03:43 PM   #5
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Need a prayer or hug
kadesma, you have both.
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Old 03-16-2006, 03:49 PM   #6
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You have my hugs and prayers for sure! Stay stong. You are doing the best you can and it is admirable!
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Old 03-16-2006, 03:56 PM   #7
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kadesma, i'm sorry to hear of your situation, and prayers and hugs coming your way.
be strong, you are absolutely doing the right thing keeping her home.
my wife and i did something similar for her mom, and now we only have the memories of her with us, backed up by the knowledge that we did everything we could to make her last years happy and comfortable. it was a sacrifice, believe me, but it pales in comparison to the lifetime of sacrifice that she afforded dw. given the chance, we'd go thru he** to have one more day again with her. but that being impossible now, the only comfort we have is in knowing we did the right thing by her.
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Old 03-16-2006, 03:56 PM   #8
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You know you just got the biggest virtual hug possible from me!! I pray for the strength that you need to get through this. You will, I know you will. Just know that I'm here when you need to vent. You know I love ya!!

{{{{{{{{BIG HUG}}}}}}}
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Old 03-16-2006, 04:00 PM   #9
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Kadesma, yet again I'm thinking what a wonderful woman you are! Sofie & I are sending you tons of hugs & prayers!
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Old 03-16-2006, 04:00 PM   #10
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I'm sending some of both. My mil lived with us the last year of her life. DH's brothers wanted to put her in a home, but we just didn't think it was the right thing. I wasn't her favorite dil, but before she died, she told me how much she appreciated us having her in our home and with no fussing. That amused me since I knew it was a problem if she visited the others. She really considered me her own daughter before she died. She talked to me about when she passed away and all the details she wanted. I think she felt some betrayal from her other sons. She had one older and one younger than DH. You will never regret doing all you can to help her. I'm not saying you will always have to have her with you, because dementia really gets to the point that only medically trained staff can handle them sometimes. Perhaps all of it hit your DH at a rough time and he will come around.
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Old 03-16-2006, 04:00 PM   #11
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hugs prayers smiles and good thoughts are being sent.
You're a good daughter!!
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Old 03-16-2006, 04:40 PM   #12
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Lots of hugs and prayers go to you, your mom, and your family. You are a good person, you're mom is lucky to have you.
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Old 03-16-2006, 04:56 PM   #13
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Well, I went and picked up the meds and will give first dose in the morning..When I got home, I sat down to let you all know that we are set to start and I find, warm loving notes from all of you. It's so nice to have a place to come and caring friends to talk to.Vicki, Amber, Sushi,Wasabi, GB,Bucky, Texas, Pa and Sofie, licia,Pds, and Michellemarie, you all have made this easier with your kind words..Bless you all..You will always have a special place in my heart
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Old 03-16-2006, 06:15 PM   #14
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You are someone I admire for so many things kadesma, and this just adds to the mix. Prayers for peace and strength for you and the tightest virtual hug I can send.
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Old 03-16-2006, 06:44 PM   #15
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Thank you Alix, that hug felt good. Everyone has made me feel protected and cared for..How lucky I am to have such a wonderful place to come to for help.

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Old 03-16-2006, 07:31 PM   #16
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You are putting jewels in your crown, dear friend. You have my hugs and prayers for sure. Goodness knows you sure were here for me when I was having a bad time.
Kim's pop got really sick all of a sudden...liver cancer. We weren't able to make him comfortable here, and he didn't really want to stay here. He'd been paying for nursing home insurance, and expected to use it. We found him an excellent place right here in town, hospice took care of him, and he had lots of company. While he and his wife had lived in Florida for 20 years after he retired, they were from this area, and he had a ton of friends and relatives who had not forgotten him.

One day when I went to visit, toward the last, they told me they couldn't get him to eat. They did have him up and stapped into one of those wheel chairs with a desk in front, so I went in and fed him by hand, while I talked about my garden and all the things coming up in the greenhouse. At one point, he layed his head on my shoulder, and told me what a good girl I was. I never really thought he liked me that much, but that was just his way.
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Old 03-16-2006, 07:41 PM   #17
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Thank you Connie,
It makes me so happy we are friends. If I helped you I'm pleased I was able. It's so nice when we can hold out our hand to our friends. I won't forget ..
Thanks again.

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Old 03-16-2006, 07:58 PM   #18
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kadesma, listen to your heart...you will know the right things to do. I know it's hard - you ARE a good daughter!! Big hugs from me to you.
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Old 03-16-2006, 08:01 PM   #19
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Thank you Callie, I knew I could count on you..And your hug makes me feel mush better.

Hugs back friend.

kadesma
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Old 03-16-2006, 08:38 PM   #20
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When I need support last Fall you were right there.Thank you for that. Now I am here for you anytime you want to talk.

The rehab. home DH and I were in when we broke our hips wasn't the greatest. That is why I worked so hard to get out so we could come home. They would give each girl 6 or 8 patients to look after. Do the math..if they took 10 min. with each one and you were the last to use the call button.

Just Pray that when the time does come, you can find the right one for her.I saw my neighbor deal with her DH's Atomizers for 6 years. He was so out of it and a bed patient. I sure wouldn't want to see you do that. Her 8 years was so hard on her. She was 75 when he passed.

Please take very good care of yourself. I wish I were near to help you like I did her when she had other things outside the home that needed to be taken care of,
Love to you
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