Andy M.
Certified Pretend Chef
I had amnesia once… or twice.
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
I am neither for nor against apathy.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a “free gift?" Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible… and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not so sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help groups?
Is it just me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
The fact that Kansas and Arkansas are pronounced differently always means way more than it should.
Pronouncing words that end in ʽoughʼ: cough; bough; rough; dough; through; though…
In the word “scent”, is the “s” or the “c” silent?
Why does fridge have a “D” in it but refrigerator doesn’t?
Why are Zoey and Zoe pronounced the same but Joey and Joe aren’t?
Why can you drink a drink but you can’t food a food?
The word queue is just a Q followed by four silent letters…
Why is a W called “double-u” but it is clearly a “double-v”?
Did some financial planning, and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for 11 minutes.
I hate telling people I am a taxidermist. When they ask what I do every day, I say: "Y'know. Stuff.”
We all know that mirrors don’t lie…I’m just grateful that they don’t laugh
They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by two minutes.
I’ve done the math, and it seems I died in 1537.
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
I am neither for nor against apathy.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a “free gift?" Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible… and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not so sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help groups?
Is it just me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
The fact that Kansas and Arkansas are pronounced differently always means way more than it should.
Pronouncing words that end in ʽoughʼ: cough; bough; rough; dough; through; though…
In the word “scent”, is the “s” or the “c” silent?
Why does fridge have a “D” in it but refrigerator doesn’t?
Why are Zoey and Zoe pronounced the same but Joey and Joe aren’t?
Why can you drink a drink but you can’t food a food?
The word queue is just a Q followed by four silent letters…
Why is a W called “double-u” but it is clearly a “double-v”?
Did some financial planning, and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for 11 minutes.
I hate telling people I am a taxidermist. When they ask what I do every day, I say: "Y'know. Stuff.”
We all know that mirrors don’t lie…I’m just grateful that they don’t laugh
They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by two minutes.
I’ve done the math, and it seems I died in 1537.
