I agree with Bibly on this. You need to step away, keep contact with your son and grandbabies and when and only when she is ready to be a daughter forget and forgive. I know it won't be easy but then nothing in this world worth a hill of beans is, is it? Until then, know that you have God and your family here at DC on your side. Faith and Love with lots of hugs. :>) Dawn
Thank you Dawn. I do have the ability to forgive and forget. God taught me that. Or I should say how to. I went to school with a very mean spirited lady years and years ago for this career. She was young and all fired up about herself/her life/her thing. Hated me. Made it obvious. I didn't have much time to be concerned as schooling about killed me. Years later, she deliberately walked up to me from no where, sat next to me, and said let's talk.
About what was my answer. She wanted to 'now' be buds. I told her
she hated me and that I was waaay over that and done with her and her antics. She asked
if we could later have lunch on the beach, in Maui. I told her
I was going to the beach and was going to be eating lunch. If we met up there, okay. We did, and swam and talked all day. She told me she'd been watching me over the years, had come to appreciate me. She told me she loved me and asked me if I could find it in my heart to forgive her so we could be friends. I did, that was it, never looked back or thought of it again, and today, that Dr. and I are best friends.
I think you are going to have to switch off a bit from your DIL - mentally - as it is only you that is obviously suffering here. For whatever reasons, you and she behave differently - and I am not judging anyone, just saying. Think of it a bit like peak hour traffic - you would like it to be different, but it is what it is, and worrying about it won't change a thing. Keep on doing the motherly/grandmotherly things and anything else you are comfortable doing, and if she fits in with it, great, if not, ce la vie. Don't let her actions/inactions, change you. And every so often pick up the phone and just say a quick hi. In and out. She might mellow with it. Never know. Be peaceful for your own sake.
We are all different individuals. God made us that way for a reason. I think it hurts to have your personality challenged and made fun of or hated may be a better word. But your words here are correct and I know better. It's wrong to let anyone steal your joy, it's not supposed to be in their power. Thank you, words well taken. Today, I will be joyous, therefore, victorious.
Hi,
I think you must make a call as voice is one of the most effective way to convey your feeling somebody . I hope you will be doing that .
Not sure if you read the entire post from the beginning. I was told to call her and did. She didn't pick up the phone, maybe not home when I did call, but I've not heard from her, even after that. I wrote the type of phone call that was too, earlier on this thread, it was a call I felt very comfortable making, was from the heart, and loving.
Just keep doing what your doing whether she appreciates it or not hopefully she will come around but if she does not just keep doing what you you do as it is coming from the heart if she can't see it then there is nothing more you can do but I can guarantee you as the grand kids get older they will notice what you are doing. What is her relationship with her her parents like? That might give you a clue to her behavior.
My concern is that the grand kids won't know me. Also, as they get older, they'll realize that their mommy and us/me don't have a relationship. I also fear they'll pick up on her negative remarks about me, of which I hear, are constant and many. I fear I won't know this little grandson at all. Her relationship with her parents is good. She complains about her mother (retired now and able to babysit/watch the kids) being so nervous around the kids when she has babysat. Says she'd never ask her to babysit again. But then of course, does. Her folks are nice enough, quite a bit older or so it seems than we are, her dad is same as her husbands dad, a rocket doctor. Her mom is retired, I'm 12+ years into my career, after being the beauty field 22 years, it's not like we're ???
Again to all of you who've helped this usually happy and delighted person to heal through this strain, a {{{{{{{{{{{thank you}}}}}}}}}}}}. I really do appreciate all of your wisdom and advice. Forgive my complaining, God's not done with me yet...