Going MIA

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I have lost two children now. I lost my mother, father and sister. But none is more harder to bear than losing a child. My three kids have been the greatest of help. Even Teddy the dog. Spike has been leaving him here each night and he jumps up on my bed and sleeps right beside me.

A big "Thank You" to everyone. Last night we had the one showing only and I was actually crowded to go outside to leave rooms for the guests. They ran out of chairs and had to bring in more. The word spread around the whole down and beyond. Some were even coming from out of state.

There were three passions in his life other than family. One was new born babies. He just loved to hold them and stare down at them.

Number Two - Abuse of children. Don't let him hear of continuing abuse. Specially sexually abuse. He would try his dang best to do you in. He once heard a little girl screaming in the women's room at the supermarket. He ran in, caught a pervert trying his best. Pirate tried his hardest to tear his throat out. The police arrived just in time. Pirate told them what he trying to do. "That's okay. We would have written it down as "Justifiable Homicide." Don't worry. You won't even have to testify in court. We know how to take care of this one. That idiot will spend his whole jail sentence (20years w/o parole) in solitary confinement.

The third is the elderly. Any elderly. "Do you realize just how many times I have hear your mother/father say they wished they saw their kids as often as other residents do?" They also told me about the "Wellness checks" he would do on some of the residents who had taken a fall or been recently sick. I never knew about that either. Also if he saw one of the residents coming from the bus stop totting heavy grocery bags, he would run to take the bags away from them, carry them to their apartment and even put the groceries away for them. I never knew that either. He never mentioned to me anything ever about all of this.

Pirate was no angel by any means. But he took real good care of me and the folks who are my neighbors in this building. Again. Thank you all so much for your good wishes and condolences along with all your support.
 
Addie, I would like to hear more about Pirate some day. If you ever feel like you want to talk about him but don't feel comfortable doing it here, just PM me. I'll be there to listen.

But I'm also concerned about you - how are you doing?
 
Addie, will Spike or your daughter now take on the role of your caregiver? It seems as though you still need quite a bit of help, at least until you master walking with your new leg. Thank you for sharing stories of Pirate.
 
I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your son Pirate. I, we all, feel that we have gotten to know him through your posts. He sounded like a very caring person. He loved you unconditionally as you him. My heartfelt condolences [emoji120][emoji174] to yourself and the family.
If you ever want to chat please just pm me, anytime.
Prayers for you during this difficult time.
 
Addie, I would like to hear more about Pirate some day. If you ever feel like you want to talk about him but don't feel comfortable doing it here, just PM me. I'll be there to listen.

But I'm also concerned about you - how are you doing?

I think I am going to be okay. Spike shows up twice a day and each time spends a couple of hours with me. We have had long talks about Pirate (Scott). They were always close as the only two boy during their growing up days. Poo came ten years later after Scott. So for ten years he was "the baby". For those ten years I always referred to him as the "baby." Put it in the baby's room. Call the baby in from playing. Leave your baby brother alone. Old habits were hard to break. His older siblings protected him from the bully that lived next door. Then finally one day his sister had enough. She along with Spike, beat the crap out of him. Scott would always taunt him about how he got beaten up by a "GIRL" nonetheless. Scott never forgot that. I do feel it is why he was always for the underdog. No matter what the age.
 
Addie, will Spike or your daughter now take on the role of your caregiver? It seems as though you still need quite a bit of help, at least until you master walking with your new leg. Thank you for sharing stories of Pirate.

Spike will. In fact he has already done so without my even asking. Last year I filled out the paper work making him my legal proxy in the event that Pirate (Scott) couldn't do it anymore.

I am very fortunate in that all five of my kids have inherited my wacky sense of humor. I always told Scott to try and find the good side along with the humorous side to any bad situation. It makes it more tolerable. He had neuropathy really bad in his legs from kicking in carpet for more than twenty years. So I told him that when I went, I would leave him my one good leg. Then he could learn to hop with it like PT wants me to do. He giggled over that remark for days. He said that they could just roll me into my casket then. And since I am only 4'6" tall, they could use just a half casket. Both legs would be gone then. So I have to guess that my advice was taken to heart by him. Macabre, but still a sense of humor under all that pain. But he never let his own pain interfere with him taking really good care of me.
 
Scott's children decided to hold only one showing. His granddaughter was graduating, and then the prom, etc. There were already planned events for the week in a lot of families.

I have never in my whole life been to a wake that was as a raucous one as there was for Scott. Everyone had a funny story to tell about him. Whether from his childhood or as an adult. A lot of the stories had to do with some good deed he had done at no charge or even a "thank you." Once the word spread that he had passed, I swear every kid who was still alive and their families (along with their parents) showed up. Their cars created a major traffic jam and the police had to come to straighten it out. The hours were 4-8 p.m. I left around 7:15 p.m. I have arthritis in my right hand. And by that time my hand was so swollen from shaking so many hands. In fact it is still a little swollen.

Twice the funeral director had to go in (according to my daughter) and tell people that showing hours were over. All I could think of as she was telling me what happened after I left, is that this is like an Irish wake. Only it wasn't in a barroom. Well, the well wishers took care of that. They all got into their cars and headed to Santarpio's. A local barroom and the best pizza in New England. (According to Boston Magazine) They took up all the tables. At the end of the night, even the owners who also knew Scott, just charged every table only a flat ten dollars. Regardless of what size pizza they ordered, how many pizzas or what was on top.

I woke up this morning and Spike was here taking out my trash, and doing little chores that needed to be done. I am holding up all right. The wake was rough. But I know Scott would not want me to mourn. He was always in a lot of pain with his neuropathy.

Closing time, again the folks had to be told it was time to leave. Fortunately, everyone ordered only one beer to "Salute to Scott" with. The rest of the time they drank soda. No one wanted the night to end in a car accident.

I was sorry to have missed that. But at 80 y.o. I had to come home. Teddy the dog was here waiting for me. (God bless Spike for that one.) Teddy is Spike's dog. He knew something was amiss. He stayed at my side the whole night. I went out to the kitchen to wash up the few dishes in the sink. There he was, right beside my wheelchair. He followed me around and when I finally settled down for bed, he jumped up and slept right beside me.

Scott passed on June 2nd. He had a MASSIVE heart attack and never knew what hit him. For that I am so ever grateful. But now I know he is no longer in any pain He always worried about the fact that after I had my leg amputated I went from 165 pounds to 69 pounds. He wanted me to get back up to 100 pounds. So he was always cooking dishes he knew I loved. I have only made it to 78 pounds. But I will keep trying. I can safely cook for myself. As long as I keep my wheelchair right behind me locked, I am all right. If I should be stupid enough to fall, it will be into my chair. I NEVER stand unless my chair is right there for me to fall into. And I can thank Scott for that. He would yell at me if I ever forgot to lock the wheels.

Again, thank you everyone for listening to me. This has been very therapeutic for me. I have three left out of five children. And they are in their middle age and not so healthy themselves. My daughter has to go for brain scans every three months to make sure the brain cancer has not returned. Spike has had eight (yes eight, you read it right.) heart attacks himself, and Poo is way overweight. A problem he has had since childhood. So each night I ask God to not take any more of my kids. Please follow the rules. Parents go first, children next.

Scott's ashes will be going to Cockermouth, England with his father's to be buried with him next year. That is where is father was born. Spike has his father's ashes and has held onto them for years. And it was always Scott's wishes that he be buried with his father. Scott's oldest son already has his reservations for next year and is just waiting to get the legal documents to take both ashes out of the country and into another one. Lots of legal hassle to go through. And that takes time.
 
Here's Scott aka Pirate !!!

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I am sorry for the loneliness you must feel as Scott (Pirate) has moved on from this mortal world. Just remember that he is not gone, just in another place. You will be with him again. In the meantime, hold those memories of you son close, all of them, good and bad.

As far as him not being an angel, maybe he was blue collar, but from your descriptions of him, he was more good actions than empty words. I would have liked to have known him.

Seeeeeeeeua; Chief Longwind of the North
 
...Just remember that he is not gone, just in another place. You will be with him again...
And remember, Addie, that Scott is still with you in your heart. My parents have been gone 19 (Mom) and 27 (Dad) years, yet I still talk to them. Sometimes out loud. ;) They never answer back, but in my heart I know what they are saying to me in reply. He can still be a comfort to you when you reminisce about him.
 
I received this today from Spike:

"Hello. My name is Raymond Harris. I am the oldest son of Adele Keyes Raines. Known as Addie. Unfortunately Adele Passed away peacefully on June 30, 2019 at 5:48 P.M. at Mass General Hospital in Boston, Ma. Surrounded by her three surviving children at her bedside. Please let the community know of her passing. Adele-Keyes-Raines 3/12/1939 - 6/30/2019 Thank You."

We will miss her upbeat attitude. I will send our Condolences to her family.
 
Aw, PF, I was afraid something was afoot when I saw there was a post by you. She was such a fighter, but I guess a lot of that fight left her when Scott died. Thanks so much for letting us know and for sending our sympathy to her family.
 
What CG wrote.

I am so sorry to read this. Thank you for letting us know and for sending our condolences. I'm really glad that Spike bothered to let us know.
 
Oh, no. I'm so sorry to hear this. I posted a msg to her in the Sick Room thread a couple of days ago when she was MIA for a few days. She's been through so much. May she rest in peace.
 
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