Today's Funny

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My very own state senator posted this yesterday. I mean, watery mac with cheese on the side?! White bread? Pepperoncini?? I never in all my born days! 🤣

In the jungle, a hyena was talking to a monkey. He said to the monkey

“You see that big clump of trees over there?”

The monkey says “Yes, what about them?”

“Well, I go through there every day to get home, I don’t have to, it’s just a shortcut,” said the hyena.

“Alright, so?” asked the monkey

The hyena says “Well every time I go through there, this lion jumps out, grabs me by the leg and starts swinging me around and whacking me against the trees and the ground, then he leaves. I don’t know why he picks on me like that, maybe he just thinks it’s funny”

The monkey says “I’m sorry to hear that, tell you what, I’ll walk home with you and if the lion shows his face, I’ll protect you”

The hyena smiles and asks “Really? You’d do that”

The monkey says “Yes”

They shake hands and walk through the trees. Halfway to the hyena’s home, the lion jumps out, grabs the hyena and starts swinging him around while the monkey runs up a tree. The lion whacks the hyena against the trees and the ground before going away, leaving the hyena on his back.

The monkey comes down and stands next to the hyena.

The hyena looks up at the monkey and asks

“What happened? I thought you were gonna help me”

The monkey says

“I was, but when I looked down, you were laughing so much, I thought you were winning”
Old farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck.

He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court.

In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?” Said the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded. “Well I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the….”

“I didn’t ask for any details.” The lawyer interrupted. “Just answer the question.”

“Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’!”

Farmer Joe said. “Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road….”

The lawyer interrupted again and said.

“Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and said to the lawyer.

“I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie.”

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded.

“Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.

He said. ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?’

Now come on, what would you have said?”
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