There is a man I know of, who ran a "last chance school" for the kids who had been kicked out of every other school. He had over a 90% rate in turning them around. He explained his success by this story.
When this man wa a boy, living on his father's farm, he was told to mend a particular part of a fence that seperated the cattle from a nasty bog that was filled with thisels, thorns, and noxious weeds. He asked his father why he needed to mend that part of the fence. After all, there was nothing that the cattle could possibly want, and could even get themselves mired in the bog and die. His father replied that any creature will try to expand its boundries, its experiences, even when the choice to do so could cause discomfort, even danger. And so, the fence needed mending to protect the cattle from their natural desire to explore new territory.
The schoolmaster applied that principle at his school. He gave each of the students equal boundaryies, in the form of rules. He showed each abundant fairness and love. He also taught by the manipulation fo priveledges, that there is a consequence to every choice. Make good choices, and the consequences benefit you. Make bad choices, and reap the rewards. He also expected performance, again using priveldges to get the kids to modify their behavior.
When a child behaves badly, no matter that he's two or twenty, its because he knows that there is a safety-net that will catch him when he falls. If a parent continually bails out this person, they will have no need to change. But when they find themselves at a loss for transportation, or without money or resources, they will usually turn themselves around, at least until they are comfortable again.
Some people, no matter how much you love them, and try to help them, seem to be incapable of straightening out their lives. Fortunately, those people are relatively few. Most, when placed in a sink or swim situation, will usually at least tread water.
Let him fall, all the way to the dirty ground, where grit and sharp stones will dig into his soul. He needs humility, to understand that no one owes him a life. He needs to be given opportunities to grow, and if he makes wrong choices, to suffer the consequences of those choices.
To be sure, love and the willingness to let him return must always be evident. But it must be love that teaches him to take hold of his own life.
Let him know that anyone can make excuses. But excuses don't pay bills, or get a person any sense of fullfilment, or joy. Only actions can do that.
And until he is forced to suffer the consequences of his poor decisions, he has no need to change.
Seeeeeeya; Goodweed of the North