Writing a screenplay... help on food-oriented dialogue.

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foodisfood

Assistant Cook
Joined
Oct 31, 2008
Messages
48
Location
Boston, MA
This is probably a bit different from this stuff normally posted on here, but I thought I'd give it a shot. I have a scene in the film I wrote (now on draft #3) and there is a scene where all of the characters go to a restaurant while visiting a friend in a new place. Basically, I feel dialogue is my weak-point and could use some help from the experts of food on this one. Is it realistic? What could I add to the argument to make it easier for people to relate to it.

THANKS A LOT to whoever takes the time to read...

*WARNING* There is mild language which I have ****ed out. If anyone has an issue I will remove it.

___________________________________________

CUT to a MCU of Nick picking up the hamburger and putting it to his mouth. He stops and looks up ahead of him.


NICK
What?


CUT to a MCU of Steve looking at him, shaking his head.

STEVE
I can’t believe you got a hamburger.
That is blasphemy in these parts!


NICK
Sorry, I’m just not a breakfast person.


CUT to LS of the whole table.



Nick
Hey Jay, can you pass me the ketchup?


Jason grabs the ketchup from against the wall and passes it to Nick. Steve intersects the pass and grabs the ketchup.



STEVE
Hold on hold on. Let me just make this
point. Am I wrong guys? When you go to
visit someone in a new place and they
take you out somewhere to eat, is it
not an unwritten law that you should
get what the recommend to you? To me
it’s just plain rude. Trevor, back me
up on this one.

CUT to MS on Trevor who is choking down the bite of food in his mouth.


TREVOR
(still chewing)
Yeah, man. It’s like when you invite
someone to come over your house to watch
a movie and you have something you really
love picked out and they tell you they’d
rather watch something else, even though
they haven’t seen it yet. You make a
recommendation to them because you think
they will love it, and then they shoot
it down before they even give it a chance
it is the same thing as saying, “Hey man,
I don’t trust your judgment enough to even
give it a shot.” Just plain insulting.


CUT to WS of the group.



BRIAN
Oh that’s bull**** man, it’s completely
different than a movie. When it comes
to food, no one knows you better than you
know yourself. They can recommend some
broccoli dish to you all they want, but
in the end you still hate broccoli, even
if it is smothered in cheese.


JASON
Brian does have a point.

CUT to MS of Trevor and Steve.


STEVE
Jason, I’ll k*ll you. Shush.
No. Seriously. Everyone likes
breakfast. No one likes broccoli.
Don’t act like that’s not true.


NICK
I like broccoli.


TREVOR
Bull****. Broccoli smells like a
rotten foot and if you put cheese
on it, it just tastes and smells
like a soggy rotten foot. The fact
is that it’s disrespectful when
someone takes you out to eat at
their home and you refuse to consider
their recommendation.


CUT to MS of Brian and Jason. Brian throws up his hands in disagreement.



BRIAN
Just drop it man. Whatever. Give the
poor kid his ketchup and let him
eat his hamburger.


Steve looks at Nick.



STEVE
Sorry man. Here, enjoy your d***ed
hamburger.

_______________________________________

<3 Steven J.
 

QSis

Washing Up
Joined
Oct 16, 2004
Messages
2,488
Location
Boston area
Steven, it sounds like a conversation that guys would have anywhere, just to bust them on each other, if for no other reason. Rings true to me, anyway.

A couple of comments: First, I think the conversation would happen when Nick ORDERED the burger, not when he was about to take a bite. I would think the friends would express their outrage THEN.

Also, I think Steve should emphasize the point that this is a BREAKFAST place that is famous for having the best breakfasts on the east coast (or something like that). Then when Nick says that he's "just not a breakfast person", we really understand why Steve is annoyed.

Good luck!

Lee
 

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