Woman of dreams

[-DEADLY SUSHI-]

Im not sure I should even write this. Im 34 single and picky. There is a woman at work that I REALLLLLLLY like. She is 23 and still not jaded towards men. You see when youre 34 woman youre age are already jaded towards men for the most part.
Ok..... now Im Italian and Polish. So is she. I LOVE red hair and freckles. She has both. Plus, we have many many things in common. VERY rare. She likes....... COUNTRY! So do I. She has a warm heart. BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She is unhappily engaged. To a male stripper! This guy is built and good looking and 25 that makes $42 an hour. I could have been competition 10 years ago. ALas, now Im not. Not physically. But I am better emotionally and I KNOW I am a better man to be in a relationship with. And thats for the long haul. I dont want a one night thing. I want a relationship based on communication, understanding and trust. I want to support her ambitions. I want to take a bad day and make her laugh. I want to give her massage on a bad day. I her and I to travel (on a VERY limited budget) and to explore the world. I want to protect her. I want to supprise her with something to make her smile. I want to make her toes curl. I want to invite her friends over to have a great party and vice versa. I wanna snuggle. I want her to know what a great relationship can be!

But, again...... she is engaged to a man she really dosent want to marry. She is 11 years younger than I. But she makes me laugh! VERY few women do that. And again we have SO much in common.
I work with her. Shes in another department. She works with her "to-be" mother in law! Desk right next to her!!!!!!!! BUT....... she hates her to be, mother in law.

I HAVE to be stealthy!!!!! We communicate via e-mail. And we occasionally flirt via face to face. But I dont know if its really face value. I THINK it is.

Its a diamond in the ruff when I feel like this. When I meet a woman that makes me laugh. When I think about a woman so much.
Heck, I dont know what to do. Someone say, worry about your job? I do, but when it comes to this, job be darned.

I have found a woman that is a diamond on a 1000 acre sand pile. (yes, diddnt want to say ruff)

PLEASE no negative responses. I want answers to the situation. How can I win her heart and still stay under the radar? HELP!

 

[middie]

i'm not sure about this ds. all i can say is maybe give hints to how you feel and sit back and wait until she calls it off with him. and she will.

 

[GB]

You need to come right out and have a talk with her and tell her how you are feeling. You need to find out if she has any feeling for you and if there is any chance she will not go through with her engagement. If you don't then you are just setting yourself up for a big fall. Sorry to be so blunt, but I am calling it like I see it. I wish you all the best with this woman DS. I really hope it works out for you!

 

[-DEADLY SUSHI-]

its a REAL balance act. I cant ask her straight forward. It has to be a day to day thing. SLLLLLLLLOWLY. What should I do to win her heart gradually? In a non in your face way?

 

[middie]

sush just be yourself. that's the best advise i can give you right now

 

[-DEADLY SUSHI-]

okie dokie. I'll find out her favorite candy or something. Awwww heck, I dont know. Well, day by day. I play it the way I see it on a daily basis. I guess its the safest bet. You know..... even if shes not with me.... I just want her to have a happy life with the right man. Thats all.

 

[SierraCook]

sush just be yourself. that's the best advise i can give you right now

DS, I agree with middie. You are a great guy with an awesome personality. But I also agree with GB. If you don't tell her how she feels and she gets married. Then you may always think of what if I told her that I liked her? Good Luck!!

 

[Andy M.]

Consider that she may be thinking how much she likes you but is afraid to say anything because you're a little older and probably wouldn't be interested in a younger woman.

If you're serious about her, have a private heart-to-heart talk. Let her know you really like her and would like to pursue a relationship but you know she's engaged and don't know how to proceed. If she says she intends to marry the other guy and she can't see you, you drop it, if she's open to the idea, you're a winner.

Sneaking around to see her/talk to her is just going to put you both in the position of creating problems, mostly for her. If MIL 2B sits next to her, she'll get a clue sooner or later.

 

[tweedee]

SUSHI, I SAY IF YOU WAN'T HER........TAKE HER I think that's the way things go now nays.

 

[tweedee]

OOPS! Days

 

[-DEADLY SUSHI-]

I need ways to show her I care. Asking her to lunch dont cut it. I need a way to show her I care BUT a way I can safely DO it. Dont want to look like a stalker. But a fun way to make her smile....... safely! I want to keep my job but grab her heart.

 

[pdswife]

Be her friend Sushi. If things are supposed to go farther then that they will. Friendship is the best part of a lasting relationship.

 

[Andy M.]

I need ways to show her I care. Asking her to lunch dont cut it. I need a way to show her I care BUT a way I can safely DO it. Dont want to look like a stalker. But a fun way to make her smile....... safely! I want to keep my job but grab her heart.

You can't let her know while trying to make it look like you're just a co-worker. Mixed signals and misunderstandings.

I would definitely have a chat away from work. On the job stuff would be awkward and problematic. Away from the job and you are both protected.

A couple of quotations that have stood the test of time come to mind:

"Faint heart never won fair lady."

"Of all sad words of mouth or pen, the saddest ones, 'It might have been'".

 

[mrsmac]

She may have no idea you like her in "that way", I was always completely clueless that a guy liked me even when people told me it was obvious! (low self esteem is a wonderful thing!)
I wonder if she is still at that dating bastards age where you don't want a nice guy you go out with goodlooking jerks who treat you badly. You would be appreciated by an older woman (than 23 not necessarily than you) who realises that nice guys are the way to go and you deserve to be with someone who treats you right.
I think you need to let her know how you feel but away from work and in a way that won't make it awkward if she isn't interested. Perhaps having you treat her well will make her realise what a jerk the boyfriend is but don't count on it, some of us don't realise until after the wedding!
You have nothing to lose here except to feel bad in the short term, will it matter in 10 years time if she rejects you? NO. So go for it. And post all the details I love living vicariously!!!

 

[-DEADLY SUSHI-]

Thanks for the idea guys! I will try to get the guts to be more direct with her.

 

[Dove]

DS,

What would she think if she read what you just wrote?
Would that start her thinking that her stripper isn't the man she wants?
You are so much better than that! He may have more money but money isn't what real love is all about.
Gamma

 

[Countryhb]

Dude, you gotta give it to her straight! Don't try to be just a "friend" or you'll end up being just that, and only that. I know, I have done that WAY too many times! I have so many female friends who love me like their big brother. Now ladies, don't get all up-in-arms about this. There's nothing wrong with having great female friends, but it's a big, empty bed when there's no one there to cuddle up to! Chin up and lay your cards on the table...worst-case is she says she's not into you like that and she marries the chump. Better to have vocalized your feelings BEFORE the wedding. And remember, your stock is rising with age!

 

[The Z]

How 'engaged' is she? Do they have a date or just an agreement? I would spend a lot of time being a 'friend' - - making sure she's not jumping into anything she's not sure of... Then, assuming she's really NOT sure and really NOT interested in pursuing a long-term thing with the other guy, you need to (as a friend) let her know it's not fair to HIM to let him think he still has a chance.

You can still flirt and, in subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways, let her know that you're there for her and that she deserves to be "happy"... not settling for someone she's not happy with just because it's already come this far....

 

[Sandyj]

Make some romantic gestures like how about sending her some flowers? Use the card somehow be over the top (marry ME) or not.... (from your secret admirer but make sure she sees your face and your knowing smile). Oh this is so romantic!

 

[texasgirl]

Sushi,
Try getting a single rose and copying and pasting alot of what you wrote turn it to more of a poem and transfer it to some pretty stationary and put it on her desk early in the morning or late in the afternoon when noone will see you. Don't put your name, if you don't want to. Do something like this everyday, put a small chocolate kiss or some other little candie on her desk.
If you really like this girl and are willing to go far enough to get her, then, she must see how much you care and would be worth going with it and see how it works out.
No matter what you decide to do, I hope it all comes out for you.
Good Luck, don't let her get away!!