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Old 07-21-2014, 07:08 AM   #6061
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Old 07-21-2014, 09:38 AM   #6062
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That ain't right!

It's funny, it just ain't right I tell ya!
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Old 07-21-2014, 11:56 AM   #6063
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A kindergarten teacher was roving through her group of little ones during an art exercise. She came to one little girl and could not make out her picture. "What are you painting" she asked the little girl. "A picture of God" the little girl answered confidently. To which the teacher answered "But nobody has seen God." To which the little girl answered "They will when I'm done with this."
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Old 07-21-2014, 12:19 PM   #6064
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Wink

A child reciting the Lord's prayer....

"Our father...watch out in heaven..."
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Old 07-21-2014, 07:04 PM   #6065
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BEST SWIMMING HOLE JOKE from swimmingholes.org

Two Ole' Boys are at a swimming hole in the woods and are amazed at the size of it.

"Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?"

"I don't know. Let's throw somethin' down there, and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

"Hey, there's an old car transmission over there. Give me a hand, we'll throw it in and see."

So they pick it up and carry it over and count one, two, three and heave it in the hole.

They are standing there listening, looking over the edge, when they hear a rustling behind them. As they turn around, they see a goat come crashing through the underbrush, run up to the hole and, without hesitation, jump in headfirst.

While they are standing there staring at each other in amazement, peering into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer saunters up. "Say there," says the farmer, "You fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"

One of the Ole' Boys says, "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' 'bout a hunnert miles an hour and jumpedheadfirst into this here hole!"

The old farmer said, "Naw, that's impossible. I had him chained to a transmission."
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Old 07-23-2014, 09:15 AM   #6066
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Old 07-23-2014, 09:24 AM   #6067
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The "answer" will always be half the "add six" number. So if your first number is "add x" the answer will be 1/2x. Add 4, answer 2 etc.
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Old 07-23-2014, 09:47 AM   #6068
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One from Blue Collar comedian Bill Engvall: A Truck driver carrying an oversized load couldn't quite clear one of the overpass bridges and was stuck fast. A policeman drove up and asked the truck driver the wrong question: "Gee, you're really stuck under this bridge?" To which the exasperated truck driver replied "Nah, I was just delivering this bridge and ran out of fuel." (here's yer sign)
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Old 07-23-2014, 11:26 AM   #6069
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Yup

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Old 07-23-2014, 11:38 AM   #6070
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How'd you find that picture of me?
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Old 07-23-2014, 02:16 PM   #6071
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Wink

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Old 07-24-2014, 08:08 AM   #6072
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Old 07-24-2014, 08:09 AM   #6073
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Definite road rage. Some people are too stupid to have the right to push a shopping cart.
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Old 07-24-2014, 10:11 AM   #6074
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Whole families stopping to talk in the middle of the aisle.
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Old 07-24-2014, 12:06 PM   #6075
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Don't mind the chat (I tend to be assertive re. pushing through if they don't respond to "excuse me") but do you have some customers that go to supermarkets in their pyjamas in US? We do here in UK! (They may sling a coat over themselves....pyjama bottoms clearly in view).
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Old 07-24-2014, 06:53 PM   #6076
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MrsLMB, I get that way in the grocery stores!


creative, I see that all the time. People sure don't care how they look anywhere anymore, right? For myself, I have "at home" clothes and "being seen in public" clothes. Those two streams NEVER cross!
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Old 07-24-2014, 09:10 PM   #6077
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Definite road rage. Some people are too stupid to have the right to push a shopping cart.
I was on the handicap shopping cart. A women had her cart in the middle of the aisle. I couldn't get by. I politely asked her to move it. She gave me a dirty look and walked off leaving her cart right there. Okaaay! I backed up and gave her cart a shove with my motorized cart that sent it down to the other end of the aisle and almost into the checkout line. When she came back, she was looking for her cart. I just smiled and continued shopping!

BTW, I have even been known to put on makeup for my seven a.m. shopping trip.
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Old 07-24-2014, 09:28 PM   #6078
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Quote:
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Whole families stopping to talk in the middle of the aisle.
Buck used to call those people "professional aisle blockers." He surmised that they were paid by management to stall customers so they would make impulse purchases.
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Old 07-24-2014, 09:40 PM   #6079
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MrsLMB, I get that way in the grocery stores!


creative, I see that all the time. People sure don't care how they look anywhere anymore, right? For myself, I have "at home" clothes and "being seen in public" clothes. Those two streams NEVER cross!
My philosophy is quite different. I always make sure I'm made up and dressed to go out/meet folks. Just the way I am. In fact, at about 4 every afternoon I go to the bathroom and freshen up my hair and makeup and brush my teeth. Have always done that.

Funny story, though, about going to Wal-Mart one time back when Buck and I lived in Washington, DC. You want funny looks....

One evening we'd attended a black tie diplomatic event and were out quite late. On our way home we realized we needed something for breakfast in the morning. Wal-Mart. They were the only place open with full merchandise open at that late hour. We stopped.

We were fully decked out. Buck in a tux, shiny shoes, etc. and I was in a long evening gown, hair all done up, makeup extra nice, evening clutch bag, evening shoes, and sparkly jewelry. We were quite the pair but...at Wal-Mart at 2 a.m.? Yep.

Needless to say we certainly garnered some long stares, but we received top notch service.
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Old 07-24-2014, 11:46 PM   #6080
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Cute story Kayelle! Reminds me of when Himself and I went camping along the Shenandoah National Park in 1980. Wanted to go to a restored historic restaurant that served a foods prepared from old recipes. As in slave recipes from the 1700's. Here we are stepping out of our 9x9 tent, Himself in a suit and me in a long dress. The looks! Did the same thing a few years earlier when we camped in Sturbridge MA (MA actually was a vacation destination a couple of times for us when we lived in OH...it's a nice place to visit...) and got all duded up for a trip to Salem Cross Inn. We've been there once since we moved to MA. It's a lot more casual (ie: jeans and polo shirts) and they were playing...jazz! In a colonial structure? The hostess told us later that the "tour bus people" requested it.

I personally don't dress to go out UNTIL I'm going out. Otherwise you can put money on the fact that I'll spot my shirt and have to change. Don't bother with make-up or contact lenses at home either to give my skin and eyes a rest.
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