Today's Funny

[PrincessFiona60]

I got home after visiting too long with Mom and Dad, we were weeding in the garden when Dad says, "It's Dark!" Sure enough the sun had set.


So, I go into the bathroom and there is, "SOMETHING DEAD" in the shower. I take two tissues to pick it up and throw in the toilet. The "SOMETHING DEAD" jumped towards me covering 25% of the shower floor...I covered 25% of the house. I went back with a broom to find a one inch house spider...I chased him out of the shower and into the corner where there is an opening in the baseboard. Now I get to worry that he'll come out to say, "Hi!" again.

 

[dragnlaw]

Poor Princess!

Although spiders really don't bother me too much, I probably would have sprayed that hole with every bug spray I could find in the house!

 

[luckytrim]

Remember; Spiders in the home are good luck !

 

[dragnlaw]

I have a Field Stone basement.

I also have a deal with the spiders - you stay in the basement... you live - if not....

 

[Cooking Goddess]

...I go into the bathroom and there is, "SOMETHING DEAD" in the shower. I take two tissues to pick it up and throw in the toilet. The "SOMETHING DEAD" jumped towards me covering 25% of the shower floor...I covered 25% of the house. I went back with a broom to find a one inch house spider...I chased him out of the shower and into the corner where there is an opening in the baseboard. Now I get to worry that he'll come out to say, "Hi!" again.

Spiders are our friends. They eat bugs that are evil. Sure some spiders are evil, too, but I don't have to worry much about those around by us. Mostly, when I see a spider, I provide a Spider Relocation Service and take it outside. I usually use a tissue - except for Daddy Long Legs. Daddy Long Legs spiders are sooooo cute!

 

[PrincessFiona60]

I didn't kill him, I left him in the house. I don't kill spiders, but they cannot be in my shower, that is my space.

 

[Cooking Goddess]

I've had a tiny one in the shower my last couple of times. Little stalker! If it want to be there, it could at least scrub my back. But oh, no, just clings to the wall about the shower head and...laughs. I feel so violated!

 

[luckytrim]

 

[luckytrim]

 

[taxlady]

I don't know how many of you have come across this. It's from some tweets by someone whose user name is @bibliophileq.

The first tweet in what became a very popular thread was:

I work with a guy from Mexico who doesn't speak a lot of English. A Canadian goose made a nest by one of the paddock gates and hissed at him while he was putting horses out. He comes back to us after and says, "I do not like the cobra chicken."

Cobra chicken I think it's a great description
If you want to see the rest, here is link: https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1005339119000674304.html?utm_source=ext

 

[TATTRAT]

This gets more and more real everyday.

 

[Cooking Goddess]

Yes, yes it does, TAT.

 

[Whiskadoodle]

I was reading a detective novel, the detective was attempting to interview a woman for facts and clues. Her woman friend kept interjecting with opinions and was otherwise not helpful to the conversation. She finally had enough from her friend, and said-- why don't you do me a favor and drop dead. To which her friend replied-- ok, but if I do, it will be the last thing I ever do for you.

Cracked me up. The story simply continued in a serious mode.

 

[luckytrim]

 

[JustJoel]

A beginning college creative writing class was assigned to write a short story comprised of four elements: religion, royalty, sex, and mystery.

One student got an “A.” He wrote:
“My God,” said the Queen, “I’m pregnant! I wonder who the father is?”

 

[PrincessFiona60]

I walked into a spiderweb, I got 1 hour's worth of tai chi done in 5 seconds.

 

[dragnlaw]

A beginning college creative writing class was assigned to write a short story comprised of four elements: religion, royalty, sex, and mystery.

One student got an “A.” He wrote:
“My God,” said the Queen, “I’m pregnant! I wonder who the father is?”

That's funny! Especially when you visualize our Queen!

I walked into a spiderweb, I got 1 hours worth of tai chi done on 5 seconds.

LOL LOL
and I'm still chuckling!

 

[JustJoel]

Moses, to God on Mount Sinai:
“So, let me get this right, God. They get to eat shrimp, crab and lobster, and we have to cut off WHAT???”

 

[dragnlaw]

I had given my son a tomato plant with flowers already starting tomatoes.

He just sent me a text saying they had been wondering why they hadn't gotten any tomatoes yet.

today they just caught Sadie, their dog, eating them straight off the vine.

 

[Rascal]

I'm having on my grave stone printed.
I told you I was crook.
Lol

Russ