Just Cooking
Master Chef
That's true Andy...
After all... I wouldn't know Linda Lovelace's real name either...
Ross
Today's Funny
- Thread starter PrincessFiona60
- Start date
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If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
That's true Andy...
After all... I wouldn't know Linda Lovelace's real name either...
Ross
Kaneohegirlinaz
Wannabe TV Chef
Addie
Chef Extraordinaire
It was a nice pleasant Saturday morning. Not too hot, not too cool. Hubby decided to work on the car while the wife did some spring cleaning.
He goes outside and takes the engine apart and cleans every part. He then starts to put it back together again. He has the last part in his hand and the screw driver slips and tears his palm wide open. There is blood everywhere. The moral of the story?
Scroll down.
You can get blood out of a tuneup.
He goes outside and takes the engine apart and cleans every part. He then starts to put it back together again. He has the last part in his hand and the screw driver slips and tears his palm wide open. There is blood everywhere. The moral of the story?
Scroll down.
You can get blood out of a tuneup.
Kaneohegirlinaz
Wannabe TV Chef
Love it K-girl
Kaneohegirlinaz
Wannabe TV Chef
Kaneohegirlinaz
Wannabe TV Chef
Cooking Goddess
Chef Extraordinaire
, K-Girl! Except with my hair's tendency to fluff, I'd probably come out looking like Janis Joplin!
Kaneohegirlinaz
Wannabe TV Chef
Addie
Chef Extraordinaire
Do you know of anyone who has a dryer like that? I sure could use it. At least for the wrinkles. I am starting to get worried. I was happy at 115 lbs. But the weight keeps going down and I am not even trying. I need to mention it to Winthrop on my next visit. I am now down to 100 lbs. According to the insurance charts, for my height, I should weigh 97 lbs. I weighed that as a teenager. I am no longer a teenager.
But I love the cartoon!!!
Kaneohegirlinaz
Wannabe TV Chef
Cute K-girl! ... but in my case - I live in the country, no one can see the house nor the car from the road... my keys are in the car! My son took them out one day, then left in his own car. Next day I nearly had a fit when I went to go somewhere and had no keys!!!
so for me it is the cell phone, I don't have a land-line anymore, but when I did I would just call myself to find my phone. someone showed me how to get the computer to call my phone... of course, I've since forgotten how!
so for me it is the cell phone, I don't have a land-line anymore, but when I did I would just call myself to find my phone. someone showed me how to get the computer to call my phone... of course, I've since forgotten how!
If you have a Gmail account, Gmail can be used to make phone calls. It's also handy if you need to phone a US 1-800 number that doesn't work from outside the US.Cute K-girl! ... but in my case - I live in the country, no one can see the house nor the car from the road... my keys are in the car! My son took them out one day, then left in his own car. Next day I nearly had a fit when I went to go somewhere and had no keys!!!
so for me it is the cell phone, I don't have a land-line anymore, but when I did I would just call myself to find my phone. someone showed me how to get the computer to call my phone... of course, I've since forgotten how!
Thanks taxy... think that is it... just have to "explore"
Kayelle
Chef Extraordinaire
[FONT="]Windows vs. Ford.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on[/FONT][FONT="] At a recent computer expo (COMDEX) : Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]In response to Bill's comments, Ford issued a press release stating[/FONT][FONT="]:[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........twice a day.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]7. The airbag system would ask, [/FONT][FONT="]"Are you sure?" [/FONT][FONT="]before deploying.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call "customer service" in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself![/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on[/FONT][FONT="] At a recent computer expo (COMDEX) : Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]In response to Bill's comments, Ford issued a press release stating[/FONT][FONT="]:[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........twice a day.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]7. The airbag system would ask, [/FONT][FONT="]"Are you sure?" [/FONT][FONT="]before deploying.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call "customer service" in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself![/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
Andy M.
Certified Pretend Chef
Kayelle, that's a classic and one of my all time favorites. Proves you shouldn't compare apples and oranges.
Farmer Jon
Sous Chef
Seen on Facebook. Not me so much anymore but in y younger years. 
Cooking Goddess
Chef Extraordinaire
True fact:
Himself wandered into the kitchen this evening and said "last night's supper was eggs, corn muffin, and what else? I've been wracking my brain trying to remember". I replied that we had ham, then told him "if you forget again, you can always look at my photos. I don't take them just to display on Discuss Cooking. I can always look up what we've had recently".
He said "so it's your short-order memory?"
Himself wandered into the kitchen this evening and said "last night's supper was eggs, corn muffin, and what else? I've been wracking my brain trying to remember". I replied that we had ham, then told him "if you forget again, you can always look at my photos. I don't take them just to display on Discuss Cooking. I can always look up what we've had recently".
He said "so it's your short-order memory?"
OP
OP
True fact:
Himself wandered into the kitchen this evening and said "last night's supper was eggs, corn muffin, and what else? I've been wracking my brain trying to remember". I replied that we had ham, then told him "if you forget again, you can always look at my photos. I don't take them just to display on Discuss Cooking. I can always look up what we've had recently".
He said "so it's your short-order memory?"
So basically, you could make the same dinner over and over and Himself would not remember he already had it the night before...
