holy crap goboenomo!!! perhaps a change of career is in order, or else, switch up from your cursed work place!
tho it could be karma...i had a roomie back in college that *swore* that if she didn't burn or injure herself in some minor way, the food wouldn't end up all that good. well, there were plenty of tiny traumas in our kitchen, and yeah, the times she made it out unscathed were oddly the times that dinner was just ok. thank whoever's watching over me that i don't need the same karmic trade-up to eat well!
i've done the same plastic bag o'bread on a hot toaster oven top as some of you guys. btw, when you're taking things out of said toaster oven, even if the heating elements aren't glowing red anymore, buggers are still hot! i still have that scar across my index finger almost 13 years later.
my biggest genius moment came when i was having a *bunch* of friends over for a southern fish fry. i had a plate lined with paper towels next to the pot of frying oil that i was putting the onion rings on as they came out. said plate was of course sitting on the next burner over, and i totally failed to notice when i'd bumped up against that burner's dial and lit a fire under my little stoneware plate. i noticed alright when it literally exploded, dumping greasy paper towels and pile o'rings right onto the flaming burner. needless to say, the back door was open for the rest of the night to vent the smoke.
best kitchen boo-boo in my family is from my mom, who is a nurse, and was working night shifts when we were little kiddos. she was frying up some okra for dinner and had stepped into her bedroom to get something. well, in her irregular-sleep-cycle-just-woke-up state, she got mesmerized by the tv and fell asleep. i remember walking towards an orange glow emanating from the kitchen as mom raced past us to start fighting the grease fire going on in the kitchen. dad happened to be getting home 2 minutes later, and as he ran through the kitchen he kept on running right out the back door! mom was calling him all sorts of un-mom-approved names, right up until he brought the garage fire extingiusher in to put out the fire. dad always said there had to be a less dramatic way to get a new stove. we didn't get fried okra at home for many years afterwards!